


Isle aux Morts (Island of the Dead): A Romance

by samsarapine



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: AU, Blanket Permission, M/M, Newfoundland, Racism, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-19 00:52:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8182634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samsarapine/pseuds/samsarapine
Summary: An Arctic seas romance.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kansouame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kansouame/gifts).



> Original notes: A very belated thank you and not-quite-so-belated birthday present for kansouame in 2010, because she wrote me the best gift fic ever, back in 2009. Also, love and thanks to rroselavy, seshats_prodigy and nanfoodle for the thorough betas and expert knowledge. I took artistic liberties with the structure (and perhaps the image) of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, for which I hope I may be forgiven. Also, I tinkered with the story since my betas last saw it, so any remaining errors in writing, nautical references or Newfoundland geography, language and culture are my own.
> 
> Disclaimer: Sha Gojyo, Cho Hakkai and all associated characters from the Saiyuki universe are the property of Kazuya Minekura and those to whom she has licensed her creations. No copyright infringement is intended. The author is making no profit from this story.
> 
> Updated note: I took this off my LJ, because I ended up publishing it as an original fic. Sadly, my publisher went out of business last year, which means my novella is out of print. So here's the original story, before I chopped it up for the publisher. Thank you so much to everyone who bought "The Manituw." Your support was amazing - you made me feel like a real author.

****

Isle aux Morts: A Romance

_In some Algonquian languages such as Innu the word_ manituw _originally referred to underwater creatures to whom hunters offered tobacco in order to appease them when travelling through their territories._ Undocumented reference, cited by Wikipedia and various other sites, referring to legends from the First Nations people of Eastern Canada.

 

The florid (and somewhat rotund) man writing intently behind the desk wore a grey uniform shirt with shoulder badges, quite unlike the brilliant scarlet RCMP uniform that Hakkai Cho had expected. The brass name plate, tipped on its back, read _Sgt William Bottoms._ It badly needed a shine.

In fact, the entire police station looked a bit neglected, more of a cloakroom-cum-bookkeeper's office than a stanchion of law and order. Cracked leather chairs lined one wall, while another was lined with neatly hung oilskins arrayed above a platoon of equally neatly paired wellies. The rest of the furnishings consisted of two desks – one of which the rotund man was using – two filing cabinets, a few uncomfortable-looking wooden chairs and several ashtrays that betrayed signs of heavy use. Green-shaded bankers lamps bowed over badly worn blotters while notices fastened with yellowing tape decorated the walls. A faded picture of the Queen hung in one dark corner, looking eternally young and smoke-stained.

Hakkai cleared his throat politely. "Ah, excuse me, Sergeant."

The man looked up. "I'm not Sgt Bottoms," he said. "I'm Auxiliary Constable Dubois. Sgt Bottoms drops by on Wednesdays. If you're looking for him, it would be best if you came back then." He scratched his nose.

"Oh dear." He couldn't face the thought of wasting more time, when all he wanted was a meal and a place to sleep. "I'm afraid that's a bit longer than I can wait. Can you at least tell me – is a Mr Gojyo Shaw available? A man at the pub said I might find him here."

Dubois grinned. "Yes, Gojyo's here. I'll take you back." He stood and picked up some keys hanging from a hook on the wall. "Follow me."

Hakkai followed, inwardly furious although he tried to mask it with a polite demeanour. Shaw had not showed up to meet him at the Deer Lake airport as arranged. Instead, Hakkai had needed to obtain a lorry for his equipment, see to it that the cases were carefully loaded into it, then drive himself – keeping to the right – to a tiny Newfoundland fishing village, while suffering from jet lag. He was ready to fire Shaw sight unseen. 

His irritation had merely grown when he'd finally reached Isle aux Morts and Shaw was nowhere to be found, though it appeared that his last inquiry had finally produced results.

"It seems to be quiet for a police station," he said.

"Not much need for police around here. Except for fellows like Gojyo, and he's mostly harmless." Dubois paused outside a barred cell. "Gojyo. There's a man here asking for you."

Hakkai stopped short, his eyes widening with shock. He'd thought perhaps Shaw worked here, but the fellow seemed to be incarcerated. Hakkai clenched his fists and grimly hoped that there was another boat for hire in the village.

"If I owe 'im money, tell 'im to go away," a deep voice rumbled. "I'm trying to sleep."

All Hakkai could see was a lean figure facing away from the cell door, stretched out on a cot bolted to the wall and covered with a grey wool blanket. "Mr Shaw?"

"Shit." The man sat up, throwing off the blanket. "You the guy from England?" He rubbed his hands over his face, long red hair falling forward to obscure Hakkai's view.

"I'm Hakkai Cho, from the National Oceanography Centre in Southampton." 

"You weren't supposed to get here until Monday," Shaw said. He looked up.

"It _is_ Monday." Hakkai hesitated, caught off guard by Shaw's appearance. He'd never seen such unusual eyes. They were nearly identical in colour to Shaw's hair -- a deep auburn the colour of blood or a fine burgundy -- with distinctive notches that gave him an exotic look. The two parallel scars under his left eye didn't detract anything from the effect; if anything, they brought more attention to those extraordinary eyes. Hakkai hadn't seen anything quite like it since Kougaiji had returned to India, leaving behind nothing but memories that Hakkai had almost successfully buried under a mountain of frenzied research.

"No. Really? John, is that true?"

Dubois nodded. "You slept through most of yesterday."

"That means you hauled me in on Saturday night, not Friday like I thought. Damn." Shaw ran his fingers through his hair. "Sorry about that. Uh, thing is, I can't get out until--" He looked at Dubois.

"I can let you out after five."

Expediency won over appreciation, and Hakkai's irritation returned. "But that's four hours from now." He was exhausted, and this man Shaw had promised to make all of the living arrangements, too. 

"Tell you what. John, would you mind giving him my keys and taking him over to my place? You can make yourself at home, and I'll be there as soon as they let me out."

"That's very trusting of you." Hakkai frowned. "But I can't impose on you like that." Shaw might be attractive, but he clearly wasn't the most responsible fellow. And besides which, he was currently incarcerated for God knew what. The thought of staying at his home could hardly be more ridiculous. 

Shaw waved a hand and grinned. "Nothing there worth stealing except the _Manituw_ , and this place isn't called Isle aux Morts for nothing. If you try to take her out by yourself, we'll be throwing a wreath on the water for you."

Which is why he'd needed a local guide in the first place. "Thank you," Hakkai said stiffly. His heart sank. He'd had misgivings when he'd booked Shaw's services sight unseen, but the outfit his colleagues had used in the past was unavailable, so he'd taken his chances. He should have followed his first instincts. "However, is there a hotel or an inn that I can book into?"

"Just Ellie's B and B, and you don't want to stay there. Trust me. There's a pull-out sofa at my place. It's not bad, if you're tired enough."

"That doesn't necessarily reassure me."

Shaw's smile got wider, and a little predatory. "It wasn't meant to." The angry glow faded almost immediately and the smile merely looked friendly. "There're sheets in the linen cupboard. Help yourself."

"I'll take you over there. It's just a short walk," Dubois said. He tossed the set of keys through the cell door to Shaw. "Stay put, okay Gojyo? I'm leaving the keys with you so that if anyone stops by, you can help them. See you again in a bit."

"I'm not one of you goddamned Auxiliary volunteers, dammit!" Shaw called after them as Dubois led Hakkai back down the hall.

Good lord! Not only was the police officer – apparently a volunteer – set on escorting him to a jailed man's home, but he'd given the criminal the keys to the police station. Hakkai kept his voice low. "Aren't you worried that he'll escape?"

"Gojyo? No, he won't try to escape. He's a good man under his rough manners. We put him in there when we need to, mainly for his own protection." He glanced at Hakkai. "I imagine we do things a bit differently than from where you're from, but it works out better our way around here. Believe me, you're safe staying with Gojyo. And he's right about Ellie's."

"For his protection? He seems quite capable of protecting himself," Hakkai observed, thinking of the charm and the flash of menace.

"He is." They reached the front office and Dubois opened one of his desk drawers, taking out a plastic bag. Hakkai could see that it contained some keys, a lighter, a half-crushed pack of cigarettes and a beat-up wallet. Dubois took the keys out and put the bag back in the drawer. "But to be on the safe side, we keep him here a couple of days when there's been a fight. Come on. It's just up the hill."

They emerged into grey fog. "The lorry--"

"I'll bring it up later, after I let Sanzo know you're here. Gojyo's landlord," Dubois explained. "They don't get along too good, and Sanzo's a little territorial."

"I see." Dubois seemed to be quite the gossip, and Hakkai thought he'd better hear the worst about his erstwhile host. "Er, pardon me for asking, but you said earlier that Shaw needed to defend himself. Why?"

"He's a _métis_. Small 'm', not big." He glanced back at Hakkai, whose confusion must have shown on his face. "He's a mixed blood, First Nations and white. There's a tribe called the _Métis_ , too, capital 'M'. Gojyo isn't one of them, though. The whites go after him because of his Indian blood, the Indians don't want him around because he's – well, they say he's unlucky," Dubois said, rubbing the back of his neck. "In fact, some of the more ethnic _Métis_ say that he's the son of a water spirit."

"Why?" 

"His eyes," Dubois said simply. 

"That's ridiculous." Hakkai thought of Kougaiji, who had similar eyes, though not as deeply coloured or notched as Shaw's were. "It's probably some kind of Central Asian influence in his background."

"Maybe," Dubois shrugged. "For the most part, it's not a problem. Just when some of the boys have been out drinking. Otherwise, people tend to like Gojyo and leave him alone. Right, then. Here we are." 

He started down a series of steps that ambled down a slope to where a small grey house made of weathered planks and roofed with tarpaper hovered, rendered ghostly by the fog. As they got closer, Hakkai could see that the house was perched precariously over the edge of a low up-swelling of granite. It jutted out over the water, balanced on wooden pilings that disappeared into the waves beating against the shoreline. The side furthest from the sea appeared to be covered by a rack holding several large metal canisters, while a dock angled out from the side over the water. A boat was moored to the dock, bobbing gently on the waves. Beyond the boat, rounded stone outcroppings rose haphazardly from the sea and fog like the shoulders of giants.

"Good Lord! Is that a tugboat?" Hakkai's heart sank further. She looked a hundred years old, and more than slightly dodgy. The wheelhouse hunkered atop the deckhouse, streaks of rust flowing down the grimy white paint like tears of blood; scraps of blue paint clung to the hull. _Manituw_ was painted in faded white letters across her bow while old tyre fenders hung from her gunwales like an ugly necklace. She looked far too top-heavy to possibly sail in deep waters. 

"An old railroad tug, forty footer, refitted for diesel in the '50's. Pride and joy of Gojyo's da, back in the day. Kitted her out for tours, so she's got a couple of berths and a nice little galley. Gojyo takes good care of her." Dubois unlocked the door. "Here you are! I'll go talk to Sanzo and bring the truck around." He gave the house keys to Hakkai. "Like Gojyo said, make yourself comfortable. The fog should lift tomorrow morning, but until then, things will be a bit damp and slippery. You may want to wait to unload the truck. It's not like you're camping out," he added, seemingly amused by the dismay that Hakkai didn't bother to hide.

"Of course," Hakkai said automatically, wondering if he should try to find Ellie's B and B on his own. "Thank you for your help."

"It's more fun than sitting around the precinct listening to Gojyo snore," Dubois said cheerfully. "See you around." He left.

Hakkai had never seen such a sparse living space. At home, books were spilling off the shelves and sliding off the piles he left in his living room, his study and his office. Even his dining table was covered with them, except for the space needed for his elaborate, state-of-the-art computer equipment, and even that was sleek and compact enough to barely be noticeable through the mountains of books.

This room was nearly spotless and smelled of cigarette smoke and the sea. No decorations, but neat hooks all along the walls, hung with nets, ropes, oilskins, lanterns, gaffs, fishing equipment – it looked like the cabin of a good-sized ship, only larger, with a neat little galley complete with a small refrigerator and an old-fashioned gas range. A woodburning stove stood in the centre of the space, a cupboard behind it providing a minute bit of privacy for a double bed and nightstand. In front of the stove were a chair and a beat up settee, both draped with creamy wool blankets striped in faded colours. The windows that flanked the back door were small, but they faced south, over the harbour, so the room was surprisingly bright. 

Hakkai placed the keys on the small table in the kitchen area and wandered through the tiny house. A door by the stove led to a small bathroom fitted with a sink, a chemical toilet and a narrow shower stall with its own gas heater attached. He knelt to open a hatch behind the shower and found a short flight of wooden steps that led under the house to a partially enclosed generator, a neat row of gasoline containers lined up beside it. Hakkai realised that he hadn't seen any power lines running down to the house, but it looked as if Shaw was perfectly self-sufficient without them.

Closing the bathroom door, he wandered into the bedroom area. The bed was neatly made, the sheets and blankets tucked firmly into the mattress. A gas lantern sat on the scarred nightstand next to a small radio. The cupboard held linens – towels, sheets, an extra set of pillows – as well as Shaw's clothing, which seemed to consist mainly of wool sweaters, flannel shirts, and heavy denim trousers.

In fact, the only sign of disorder that Hakkai saw were the overflowing ashtrays that sat on every table, including the nightstand. He switched on the radio, hoping to hear a weather forecast. Irish reels poured out of its tinny-sounding speakers, but Hakkai left it on in hopes for an update between musical pieces.

The stove was dead cold. Hakkai sighed. Of course. Shaw had been in jail for two nights. There was a good-sized coal scuttle filled with tinder and a neat pile of split wood stacked against the back of the cupboard and along one wall, so Hakkai busied himself building a fire. The stove drew well, and within a few minutes, it was radiating a bit of heat into the room.

The kitchen cupboards were nearly bare, but Hakkai found a can of beans. A device that looked as though it had been made from half a coffee can strung with wires across one end sat on one of the stove burners, the blackened breadcrumbs coating its bottom giving him the clue he needed to identify its use, and it proved equal to the task of toasting the last of the stale bread in the breadbox.

He felt much better after his impromptu meal, and started a kettle of water on the stove for tea and washing up. While the kettle was heating, he folded out the settee and made it up, finishing with a double layer of the wool blankets just as the kettle began to sing. 

Tea in hand, he had to admit that there was a cozy warmth to the house now. The Irish reels had changed to mournful Scots ballads, the tea, while bagged, was strong, the stove made satisfying crackling noises and radiated welcome heat, and the mattress on the settee actually _did_ feel as if it were fairly comfortable, as Shaw had claimed. He washed up, pulled the oilskin curtains closed, kicked off his shoes, stripped to his pants and singlet and crawled in between the sheets.

Yes, very comfortable. For such a plain little house, it contained some pleasant surprises. 

His last conscious hope was that perhaps Shaw might turn out to have some hidden depths, too.

*******

_Damn._ Gojyo stumbled a bit in the fog, gripping the bag of groceries tightly. _I must have been really pissed if I missed out Saturday._ After a reception like the one the paycheque guy had walked into, he'd probably gone out and hired another boat, and Gojyo would have screwed up again, just like usual. 

The paycheque guy had gorgeous green eyes, though. Pretty unusual. And he was young. Normally he got the middle-aged Americans who couldn't afford a proper holiday, so they hired him to take them out to point at icebergs and seals and imaginary whales when the real ones weren't about. And they'd ooh and ahh and nod enthusiastically and someone would say, "wait 'til I tell Kitsy that we saw whales!" 

Or Sanzo would hire him and they'd go out with a couple of cases of beer and get pissed and shout at each other and throw a few punches and come in with black eyes and then Sanzo would come by a few weeks later and slap another fucking novel on his kitchen table and sneer at him to get a real job, because he was making a hell of a lot of money on Gojyo as a fictional character and it was just too fucking pathetic for words.

So when he'd been able to score on a _scientist_ doing _research_ , he'd really, really hoped that it meant that his luck was taking a turn for the better, because everyone knew that scientists dropped big bucks on people for doing the easiest things, and that once a scientist found you, there was a good chance that they'd send more business your way because you were 'experienced.'

Like this guy, Green-Eyed Paycheque, who was willing to drop five thousand pounds – pounds! Not Canadian dollars, but honest-to-fucking God _sterling_ – just to have Gojyo float him up and down the length of the channel. Thank God, because the boat had really needed her electricals rewired. He'd got a used GPS and depth sounder on the cheap, too. The gulf could be tricky, but Gojyo knew the currents and tides in this crazy bit of ocean as well as, if not better than, most of the idiots out there calling themselves fishermen. They'd be safe. 

Probably.

…He'd make sure that Paycheque wore a PFD.

Goyjo shifted the bag of groceries. Fuck, that had been a stroke of luck, too. John had given it to him when he'd let him out of the cell, waving Gojyo's stunned thanks off and saying, 'pay me back later.' Which was great, because Gojyo only had about three dollars on him and nothing in the cupboards back at the house, and Paycheque to feed.

He started down the slope to the house, pleased to see a bit of smoke coming from the chimney. Given the guy was from England, though, he'd double-check to make sure that Paycheque hadn't started a chimney fire.

He cautiously pushed the door open and set the bag of groceries on the table, lighting the gas lamp above the kitchen stove. Paycheque had left a lantern burning near the wood stove, and appeared to be a lump under the blankets on the pulled-out sofa, so Gojyo closed the door quietly, toed off his boots and hung his jacket on a hook. 

Paycheque didn't move.

Curiosity drove Gojyo to see if he could get a better look at the guy, so he crept across the room and knelt by the sofa. 

Paycheque's lashes lay across his cheeks like feathers, his face pale and relaxed, breathing evenly. Gojyo tilted his head to see him better. Yeah, Paycheque's looks were a nice bonus. Of course, he might have the personality of a toad, but hey, sometimes it was hard to hear over the wind when you were out on the water, so if Paycheque was a dick, he could just ignore the guy and smile at his pretty face. 

Paycheque made a little noise in his sleep, and Gojyo scrambled backwards, not wanting to get caught staring. His face flushed, he returned to the kitchen to unpack the groceries.

*******

The next morning, Gojyo got up early, pulling together his bag for the trip. It looked to be a clear day with a light breeze, perfect sailing weather, which was a bonus. Maybe Paycheque was good luck or something. His gaze was drawn again to the figure sleeping on his sofa. Strange. He didn't know Paycheque, wasn't used to having someone else around, but it felt… well, homey, he supposed. Nice.

Though it appeared that Paycheque was going to sleep the clock 'round if someone didn't wake him. Gojyo glanced at the clock again and stubbed out his cigarette. The tide would be going out in around five hours. Though he figured Sanzo might let Goku do something useful for a change and help them load the boat, Gojyo still needed to get a few provisions and fill the freshwater and diesel fuel tanks. He sighed and walked over to the sofa.

Paycheque was sleeping peacefully on his back, a hand draped over the blankets covering his stomach. The early morning light picked out details of his face: the straight line of his nose, the soft fall of hair over his brow, the curve of his full lower lip…

Damn. Pushing that particular observation away in a panicked and confused hurry, Gojyo bent close and placed a gentle hand on Paycheque's shoulder, telling himself it was because he didn't want to startle the man. "Hey." 

The wiry muscles under his fingers moved. "Kougaiji?" Paycheque murmured, turning his head, his eyes still closed. He had a sweet smile on his face, so open and trusting that Gojyo felt like an intruder.

"Er, no." Gojyo backed away quickly. "Sorry, man. It's just me. Breakfast is ready if you want it."

Paycheque's eyes opened, and yes, the green was as vivid as Gojyo remembered. He looked up at Gojyo, the confusion clearing quickly.

"Pardon me," he said, sitting up and rubbing his face. "I must have been quite exhausted."

"Jet lag," Gojyo said. "The bathroom's free," he added, motioning with his head.

"Thank you." Paycheque slipped out of the bed and padded across to the bathroom in his stocking feet, closing the door behind him. A few moments later, Gojyo heard the shower begin. Only then did he realize how hard his heart was pounding.

"Shit," he muttered to himself. "I wonder who the hell Kougaiji is?" Leaving a note beside the coffee pot for Paycheque, he took the steps up to the road three at a time to go fetch Goku as quickly as possible, before Sanzo or the kid woke up enough to say no when he asked for help.

When he and Goku got back to the house, Paycheque was sitting at the table, eating porridge. He looked up as they entered.

"This is Goku," Gojyo said. "He's come to help us load the boat. Goku, this is—" he paused as he realized that he'd forgotten the man's name.

"Hakkai. Hakkai Cho," Paycheque said, standing and shaking hands with Goku. "Would you like some breakfast first? There's plenty of porridge and toast."

"Yeah, sure!" Goku said enthusiastically before Gojyo could collar him. He slipped into the empty chair, grabbed Gojyo's bowl and began to heap the steaming porridge into it. He shot a wicked grin at Gojyo.

Gojyo seethed, but he wasn't going to beat the damned kid up in front of Paycheque—no, Cho. Hakkai Cho. _Doctor_ Cho, he finally remembered.

"So, Hakkai, you English or something? Whatchya doing in Canada, eh?"

"I'm here to study the extent of the hypoxia layer in the Laurentian Channel," Hakkai said. He continued to eat while Goku looked at Gojyo in confusion. 

Gojyo shrugged; he didn't have a fucking clue what Cho was talking about. "I'm just sailing the boat," he said, pouring some coffee and slouching against the stove to sip it.

Cho seemed to realize that he'd been less than clear. "Er, I'm taking measurements of the deep water of the channel to see if there's enough oxygen in it for living things to survive," he explained.

"Oh, I get it." Goku shovelled more porridge into his mouth. "Environmental thing, yeah?" he mumbled through his mouthful.

Gojyo hit him on the back of the head, making Goku spray porridge across the table. "Don't talk with your mouth full."

Cho smiled. "Yes, Goku, it's an 'environmental thing.' Thank you for offering to help us load the boat. I've got quite a bit of equipment to get on board."

"No worries," Goku said, scraping the bottom of the bowl. Before he could reach for more porridge, Gojyo snatched the bowl away from him. "Hey, you pervert! I was eating!"

"My turn," Gojyo said, rinsing the bowl out in the sink. "Bring your own bowl next time, monkey-boy." He pushed Goku over and sat at the table, helping himself to food. "The tide'll be going out in a few hours," he said to Cho. "The kid's stronger than he looks, so we should be able to get everything done in time to catch it."

"I'm glad to hear that," Cho said. 

Goku reached across Gojyo for more toast. "C'n I come, too?"

"No," Gojyo said before Cho could say something stupid, like 'yes.' "I know you. After an hour, you'd be bored and bouncing off the walls and we'd be fishing you out of the ocean every five minutes. Besides, Sanzo would kill me."

"Yes, I would," Sanzo said as he closed the door behind him. The bastard must have been outside listening. He had an annoying habit of wandering in whenever he fucking felt like it. "Goku, are you done?"

"Haven't even started," Goku said cheerfully. "Hey, Sanzo. This's good toast! You should have some!"

"Christ. You'll all eat me out of house and home," Gojyo said. "Not you," he added, pointing at Cho. "You can eat whatever you like. The two of you freeloaders can piss off."

"Coffee," Sanzo demanded, sitting. 

"All I've got is instant," Gojyo lied.

"Cheap bastard." Sanzo pulled out a pack of cigarettes, raising an eyebrow at Cho, who nodded. He tapped a cigarette out and stuffed the pack back into his shirt pocket.

"Sanzo?" asked Cho. "That's an unusual name. I've only ever heard it once before, a contemporary author. Sanzo Hoshi."

Sanzo blew out a stream of smoke.

"That's Sanzo," Goku said. "Hey, any more marmalade?"

"Who are you?" Sanzo asked.

"Hakkai Cho." Cho extended his hand across the table. Sanzo peered at it for a moment, then shook it with a grunt.

_So, Sanzo approves of him. I'll be damned._ Gojyo shoved his chair back and went into the kitchen. " _Doctor_ Cho," he corrected. "Who's here to do research. On my boat." He stalked back to the table. "Here's your damned coffee. And here's your damned marmalade. Now let me eat my breakfast in peace, jerks." As he sat down again, Cho caught his eyes and smiled.

Gojyo grinned back. Yeah, Cho met with his approval, too.

*****

Hakkai watched over his equipment like a hawk, but he needn't have worried. Shaw and Goku proved to be nimble-footed and steady as they hauled the crates holding his instruments from the lorry to the tug and placed them in the deckhouse, which Hakkai planned to use as the base for his work. Within the hour, Goku was waving cheerfully at them as he bounded back up the steps. Hakkai hoped he wouldn't break his neck, then turned back to help Shaw secure the packing crates.

"I've got one rule," Shaw said as he helped Hakkai tighten the ropes anchoring the last bit of equipment. "Anytime you're on deck, you wear a PFD. Got it?"

"I'm familiar with the protocol," Hakkai said, his voice dry but secretly a bit amused.

"Then why the hell aren't you wearing one now?"

"But we're not out to sea—"

"Get into the habit." Shaw straightened. "The Gulf of Saint Lawrence isn't like other bits of the ocean. The tides don't ebb and flow on a regular schedule, they swirl and circle and the rips are deadly. We'll be beyond the fishing boundaries, so there won't be any fishing boats around, just oil tankers or cargo ships, and those'll sink you sooner than they'll help you. It's just you and me if we run into trouble."

"I understand," Hakkai said patiently.

"Another thing. There's a safety cable all along the gunwales, the deckhouse and the wheelhouse. Here's a carabiner and a harness. I expect you to wear it if it gets rough and use it to hook yourself to the cable. Got it?"

Hakkai eyed the harness dubiously. "Of course." 

Shaw grinned. "Didn't put the fear of God into you, did I?"

Hakkai's breath caught. Shaw was gorgeous when he smiled like that, uninhibited and genuine. "No," he admitted, smiling back, "but it's good advice, nonetheless."

"You'd be surprised how many tourists seem to think that going out on the sea is as safe as stepping out their back door." Shaw started walking along the deck, testing the ropes as he went. "I give 'em that speech, at least they remember to wear their PFDs."

"I grew up on the sea," Hakkai said, surprising himself. He never shared personal information, much less volunteered it.

"Let me guess," Shaw said. "Mediterranean?"

"No, Caribbean. Barbuda, actually."

"Warm weather seas, then."

"Yes." Hakkai looked at the grey seas beyond the headland. "Much different from here. Where do you keep the PFDs?"

"I've got most of 'em stowed below, and a couple in the wheelhouse in case of an emergency. I've got some floater coats, too. If the seas get heavy, I want you to wear one of those."

"Quite the mother hen, aren't you?" Hakkai asked, amused.

Shaw shrugged. "Just do it," he muttered, turning away.

Hakkai watched him make his way down the rest of the deck. Something personal there, surely. Shaw seemed quite relaxed normally.

In fact, Shaw was an interesting man altogether. When Hakkai had hired him sight unseen, he'd imagined a weathered, bearded, gruff sailor, taciturn perhaps, smoking a pipe and cursing in some exotic and earthy Canadian fashion. Instead, he was confronted with a man whom other people seemed to treat with affectionate disdain, possessing a ready smile, a generous heart and – seemingly – fairly well-developed defensive walls.

Not to mention the quite obvious sexual charm and the gorgeous eyes. 

Hakkai leaned against the deckhouse and watched seagulls while Shaw expertly cast off the moorings and headed for the wheelhouse. Then, curious, he followed Shaw up the ladder. The wheelhouse was surrounded by windows on three sides and had a roof over it, but it was otherwise open to the elements, and Shaw's hair lifted and flew in his face. Hakkai smiled as Shaw absently pulled his hair into a queue and secured it. Pity. He rather liked the windblown look. Shaw looked a bit like a pirate, the heavy wooden wheel of the tug nearly completing the picture. _As long as you ignore the smell of diesel and the din of the engines,_ Hakkai amended silently.

He was impressed by Shaw's navigation skills as he expertly manoeuvred them around massive outcroppings of granite towards the main pier. The boat smoothly slid into place beside the refuelling tanks, and Shaw threw a line to a man standing there and then grabbed another line and hopped to the pier. Once the boat was tied off, Shaw nodded to the man and watched as he hooked the diesel line into the _Manituw_ 's tanks. "Needs water, too," Hakkai heard him say. The fellow nodded and pulled another hose towards the boat.

Shaw grinned at Hakkai, and Hakkai felt a slow stir of arousal. Shaw's tanned skin glowed golden in the sunlight, strands of his long red hair escaping the queue and whipping around his face in the cool harbour breeze. His body was long and lean, wide-shouldered and powerful, and he moved with a sensual grace that Hakkai found distractingly sexy. He imagined what Shaw would look like spread out on a blanket, naked and hard, and shivered.

"This will only take a half hour or so, Ernie's just topping things off," Shaw said. "You stay on the boat. I'm gonna pick up a couple of things from the store."

Hakkai nodded and waved, watching Shaw jog up the pier before returning to the deckhouse to start setting up his equipment. Immersed in his work, he was faintly aware of voices outside, but it didn't register enough to distract him until he heard a familiar voice say, "Hey, Jenkins, move it. I've gotta catch the tide."

"The Indian has a paying customer, eh?" There was a rumble of laughter from several people, and Hakkai paused, concerned, and looked out the open deckhouse door to see what was happening. 

Five men surrounded Shaw, who was carrying several bags of groceries. Ernie was nowhere to be seen – either he'd finished his job and left, or he'd made himself scarce when the other men had arrived. 

"What, another group of fat Americans?" one of the men said. "I hear that the last group you took out came back in early. Something about you being drunk on board ship?"

"That's bullshit," Shaw said as Hakkai stepped outside. "Now move your ass."

"Not 'til you give me the hundred that you owe me," the man said.

"I don't owe you anything," Shaw said, his voice sounding dangerous. "You lost at the table."

"Only because you cheated."

"If you've got proof of that, take it to the Mounties," Shaw said. "Otherwise, out of my way."

Hakkai didn't like the look that the man was giving Shaw. He stepped forward, startling the group. Shaw eyed him warily, but didn't say anything.

"Let me help you get the provisions aboard," Hakkai said.

The men stepped back a bit, clearly uncomfortable that there was a witness. Shaw glanced around and cautiously made his way through them to the boat. Hakkai reached over and Shaw handed the bags to him, keeping an eye on the men. After he handed the last bag to Hakkai, he cast off the mooring lines and jumped on board, pulling the ropes up behind him. The men drew back further, muttering.

"Looks like we're topped off," Hakkai said cheerfully. "Shall we get underway?"

Shaw hesitated before nodding. "I'll be up in the wheelhouse," he said.

"I'll stow the groceries in the galley," Hakkai said. "And put on my PFD."

A slow smile crossed Shaw's face. "You do that," he said. "It'd be a shame to lose you overboard before we even leave the harbour." He turned and climbed the ladder to the wheelhouse. A few moments later the boat's engines sputtered and roared into life.

Hakkai laughed, though he glanced back at the pier. The men were turning away, but there was no mistaking the menace that emanated from them. Dubois may have been mistaken if he thought Shaw's harassment was limited to a few isolated incidents involving alcohol.

He sighed. None of his business, and Shaw seemed capable of taking care of himself. He picked up the groceries and headed below deck, putting the incident out of his mind as he turned his thoughts back to planning how best to set up his equipment.

*****

Cho had asked him to start at the estuary end of the channel, so Gojyo headed inland.

The first day out, Cho immersed himself in the task of setting up his equipment in the deckhouse and testing it. Gojyo brought him a sandwich and coffee at one point, but the coffee grew cold and the sandwich dried up while the scientist focused on his work. When it got too dark to see, Cho allowed Gojyo to pull him below deck and pour hot soup down him before he collapsed on his berth, asleep on his feet.

The next morning Gojyo was up before Cho. After a quick wash-up, he went up on deck for a smoke before getting to work.

The sea was quiet, rolling in smooth swells that blurred with the heavy mist and became the sky. The sun, barely up, was already burning off the fog; it brushed his face with gentle warmth. At times like these, Gojyo couldn't imagine living another life. He climbed to the wheelhouse and began taking readings, pleased to see that they were on course and making good time.

A few minutes later, Cho came up on deck, his jacket pulled tightly around himself. 

"Put a damned PFD on!" 

Cho shot him an apologetic smile and disappeared below, to reappear a few moments later wearing a vest.

"Damned fool," Gojyo muttered, but his heart wasn't in it. Cho knew his way around a boat, though he was obviously used to ships that had a few more of the mod cons. He just had bad habits. Probably used to diving off the deck and swimming every morning or something stupid like that, and had never sailed on an ice-cold sea.

Cho slipped into the wheelhouse behind him. "I brought a thermos."

"Marry me," Gojyo said automatically, reaching for it. Cho smiled and damn, he was pretty when he did that and Gojyo suddenly found himself flushing, at a loss for words. "Er…"

"Just a saying. I understand." Cho gave a theatrical sigh. "And I had my hopes up, too."

Gojyo looked at him out of the corner of his eye, but Cho merely seemed amused, so he relaxed. "Sorry about that," he said. "I'm not used to having someone bring me coffee in the morning."

"Pity," Cho said, and this time the look in his eyes made Gojyo's heart pound a bit harder and caused a slow curl of arousal to grow in his belly.

"We'll be at the coordinates you gave me in about twenty minutes," he said to hide his confusion.

"Ah. Good." Cho looked out the windows. "There's always something peaceful about being out to sea."

"It's a big place, easy to get lost in," Gojyo replied. "You're your own man here."

"You love it, don't you?"

"It's a living." Gojyo shrugged. "But yeah. I can't imagine anything else."

"I've been in seas all over the world," Cho said. "Tropical, shallow water for the most part. My research doesn't take me into the deep ocean."

"What are you researching?"

"Mainly the effects of pollutants on the environment. I'm interested in the preservation of species and ecosystems, but my research has practical applications to commercial fishing as well."

Gojyo grunted. "You're a water rat."

"I suppose so."

"Join the club."

Cho's answering smile was brilliant, and Gojyo found himself really wanting to get to know the guy. Which was bullshit of course. Cho was a client. With luck, he'd be a happy client and put more business Gojyo's way. But likely this would be the only time Gojyo ever saw him, so it was stupid to think about building any kind of friendship or anything. He lived an ocean away, and an ocean was a hell of a big place.

"Well, Mr Shaw, I'd best be getting my instruments prepared," Cho said.

"Gojyo."

"Excuse me?"

"Gojyo. I've never been a Mr Shaw to anybody."

"In that case, please call me Hakkai."

Gojyo flushed and turned his face towards the port window to hide it. "Sure," he said. "Once I've got her into position, what do you want me to do?"

"If you could begin a slow tack down channel, keeping primarily to the southern edge, I'd appreciate it."

"Right. Let me know if you need any help or want me to stop."

"Thank you, Gojyo."

Gojyo watched Cho – no, Hakkai – climb down the ladder. Hakkai wasn't a bad guy. Polite, down-to-earth, hard-working, pleasant, gorgeous green eyes…

…Shit. 

He closed his eyes. 

It was going to be a long time until they reached shore.

*****

"Gojyo!"

"Down here!" Gojyo stuck his head out of the bilge.

"Ah." Hakkai stood in the doorway to the hold. "A problem?"

"No." Gojyo wiped his hands on a rag and hoisted himself out of the pit. "We're going to get some heavy weather tomorrow night, so I was just checking out the pump to make sure that everything's working. Waves get pretty damned high out here. Looks like we're good to go, though."

Hakkai nodded. "Perhaps you could help me to pack away some of the more delicate equipment before the storm hits. Though we'll have to secure everything, just in case," he said, sounding concerned.

"We can throw tarps over the rest of it and tie 'em down," Gojyo said. "What did you want?"

"It's too dark for me to take any more readings tonight. I've prepared some soup and sandwiches if you're hungry."

"Great! Be right there."

They ate in silence, more intent on their food than on conversation. Gojyo finally pushed away his bowl. "Mind if I smoke?"

Hakkai shook his head. "How long can we stay out?"

"Good weather, five days, but I'll probably need to go in earlier if the storm tomorrow night is a big one."

"If I wanted to hire you for a longer duration, would you be available?"

Gojyo shrugged and blew out a stream of smoke. "Sure. If you need me." 

"Good." Hakkai looked relieved. "I need to go ashore soon. I'm quite concerned about some of the readings I've been getting. My colleagues have asked if I'd be available for a webconference within the next few days, and satellite reception has been a bit hit or miss out this far."

"How about you set it up for Tuesday, then?"

Hakkai nodded. "Do you know, have there been any fish die-offs within the last two years?"

"I don't know about die-offs," Gojyo said thoughtfully. "But there's a lot less fish. The fish plant closed down last year. Part of it is factory ships – they're loads more efficient than the old system – but even for them, the catches are down."

"I imagine that's been hard on fishing villages like yours."

"They're dying off anyway," Gojyo said dismissively. "Anybody with any sense is headed inland. More jobs, better pay."

"You're not leaving," Hakkai said.

"No. Where would I go? All I know is this boat. That, and poker. Neither'll get you far in Toronto or Montreal."

"Have your family always been in fishing?"

"This is my da's boat." Gojyo stubbed out his cigarette.

"I can imagine you as a boy, learning to sail her," Hakkai said, smiling. "He must have been proud of you."

Gojyo hesitated. "Didn't know him, actually," he said carefully. "He died at sea when I was two. I was raised by my stepmother and my brother – half-brother – John."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

Waving a hand to ward off the apology, Gojyo blew out smoke. "You didn't."

"But I'd like to," Hakkai said.

Gojyo blinked, but strangely, he didn't feel offended or patronised. "Er, okay. Well. Not much to tell, really. Da was a volunteer with the local rescue squad and had an affair with one of the emergency medical techs from the Port aux Basques rescue unit. She had me, da brought me home. The two of them died during a bad storm while they were trying to rescue the crew of a fishing boat that was breaking up on Wreck Rock. Mum raised me best as she could, John helped." He grinned. "Didn't give 'em much to work with."

"Are your brother and step-mother still in the area?"

_Shit._ "Ah, no. They're not. Mum… died. And John left."

"I'm sorry." 

Gojyo shrugged. "What about you?" he asked, hoping to change the subject.

Hakkai gazed at him thoughtfully. "My family is also gone. I lived with my twin sister for several years, but she – passed away."

Gojyo had the feeling that Hakkai didn't talk much about himself. "I'm sorry, man. Twins. Must have been rough."

Hakkai was silent for a moment. "She was murdered," he finally said in a low voice. "I wasn't quite sane for a long while after that."

Gojyo stared, shocked. "My God."

"I eventually came to terms with it."

"Bullshit. You don't come to terms with shit like that, you just learn to live with it. C'mon." He grabbed Hakkai, pulled him below into the galley and sat him at the table. "Wait here." He grabbed the bottle of whiskey that he kept hidden when Sanzo was on board and poured two glasses, pushing one towards Hakkai. He raised his glass. "To your sister," he said.

Hakkai hesitated and then raised his glass. "To Kanan."

They drank.

"You seem to understand," Hakkai said, turning his glass in his fingers. "Most people simply look uncomfortable and offer platitudes."

Gojyo grunted softly. "As long as we're coming clean – my mum's death. It wasn't completely an accident."

"Gojyo." 

Funny. He really liked how Hakkai said his name. Gojyo stared at the chipped Formica tabletop. "She was never really happy about me. You know, bein' another woman's kid and all. I think the fact that I was half-Indian – my real mum was Innu – didn't help. She got mad pretty often, but John was usually there to step in and stop her before things got too bad. Except one time, he wasn't."

"What happened?"

"We were on the boat. She hit me with a gaff," he motioned towards the scars on his cheek, "and knocked me into the water. I remember thinking 'this isn't the worst way to go.' Next thing I knew, John was pulling me out of the water and there was a crowd of people shouting from the pier. My mum had gone overboard, too. She was dead – crushed between the boat and the pilings."

"Good Lord!"

"John left an hour later. I guess he felt responsible. They told me afterwards that he'd seen what was happening and took off running to the boat and shoved Mum. I don't think he knew she fell over the side until after we got out, he just wanted to get to me."

"But that's—"

"Yeah. The plot of Sanzo's third novel," Gojyo drawled, throwing back the remainder of his drink.

"Gojyo," Hakkai whispered. "That's horrible. And that Sanzo used your family's experience for a book! Did you give him permission?"

"The first thing you learn about Sanzo is that he never asks, he just takes. And yeah, I called him on it," Gojyo added, grinning at the indignant look on Hakkai's face. "He told me to get a solicitor or piss off. But I managed to twist his arm some and now I get the house rent-free, so long as I take him out on the boat every once in a while."

Hakkai stared. "Has he done that to anyone else?"

Gojyo shrugged. "Himself. Goku. His foster father. Karl was Buddhist, and Sanzo says the only thing he ever taught him about the religion was some weird Buddhist thing about killing all your authorities. That's what he says he's doing when he's writing. He says it kills our ties to our pasts and leaves us free to do what we want."

"Has it worked?"

"Some, I guess. I don't have the nightmares as often."

"I'm surprised you can take out your boat after that," Hakkai said, his voice thoughtful.

"Tch. It's not the boat's fault," Gojyo said. 

"No. I suppose it isn't." Hakkai poured two more drinks, raising his. "To leaving our pasts behind."

"I hear you." 

They clinked glasses and drank.

*****


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Hakkai found himself thinking about the evening before, the hard, smooth lines of Gojyo's body, the flush that had covered Gojyo's skin after they'd finished the bottle of whiskey. He had to arrange himself surreptitiously several times while Gojyo helped him to secure the equipment late in the afternoon, finding the man's lazy grace deliciously alluring. 

The wind picked up significantly. He frowned at the storm clouds building to the south and west, but went along with Gojyo's suggestion that they have a few beers and play some poker after dinner.

Hakkai laid down his cards. "Straight flush, I'm afraid."

"Shit, man." Gojyo took a deep drag of his cigarette and sat back in his chair, his wine-coloured eyes thoughtful, but friendly. "You a professional?"

"No." Hakkai gathered the cards and began shuffling them. "But I played in pub games for a bit of ready cash while I was in university."

Gojyo grinned. "Beer?" 

"Yes, please." Hakkai accepted the cold bottle that Gojyo gave him. Their fingers brushed and a wave of heat swept over him. He heard Gojyo's breath catch, and met his gaze steadily. Gojyo flushed, so Hakkai risked it. "You're a very attractive man, Gojyo," he said, his voice dipping into a huskier range.

Gojyo didn't look away. "You gay?"

"Yes." Gojyo's eyes fell, and Hakkai leaned forward. "Is that a problem?"

Gojyo shook his head, but didn't look up. "You're pretty, but I'm not into guys." He hurriedly took a swig of his beer, but Hakkai didn't think he sounded too convinced.

"Have you ever wanted to experiment?" He watched closely as Gojyo swallowed hard. "I could make it quite good for you."

"I bet." Gojyo sounded breathless. He glanced at the hatch, so Hakkai leaned forward and took Gojyo's bottle from his hand. Gojyo turned back and watched him, licking his lips as Hakkai drank the rest of the beer, refusing to allow him to look away again. "Look, Doctor Cho—" 

"Please, I asked you to call me Hakkai." Hakkai set aside the empty bottle and his own full one. "I'd like to kiss you."

Gojyo looked at Hakkai's lips. "Fuck it," he whispered. He lurched forward and grabbed Hakkai's shirt, pulling him over the table. Their lips met.

Gojyo opened his mouth to Hakkai immediately, curling his tongue around Hakkai's in a wicked caress that made Hakkai moan and the blood rush to his groin. He buried his hands in Gojyo's hair and savoured Gojyo's mouth, hot and smoky, tasting of beer and cigarettes. Gojyo tugged at him until they both stumbled away from the table, Gojyo backing towards the nearest berth. Hakkai followed, crowding him until there was no room for Gojyo to run if he changed his mind. But he didn't, merely stopping when the back of his legs hit the berth and pulling Hakkai closer, until they were pressed tight against one another, Gojyo's hard length grinding into Hakkai's hip. 

Hakkai broke the kiss and pushed Gojyo down on the berth, standing over him. Gojyo's chest was heaving fast, his face flushed, his eyes burning as he looked up at Hakkai.

"I want you," Hakkai whispered, his heart pounding. 

"Then take me. If you can," Gojyo challenged, his mouth twisting into a smirk.

"Take off your sweater and open your jeans."

"Why?"

"Because," Hakkai ghosted his fingers across Gojyo's lips, "I want to see you naked."

Gojyo froze, his smirk fading, then coming back, edgy and defiant. He pulled his sweater over his head. "I'm not going to be the only one naked here, am I?"

Hakkai, distracted by the expanse of smooth skin before him, made an inarticulate sound. Gojyo was broader than Kougaiji, his muscles defined not by workouts, but by hard work. Hakkai ran a hand down one arm, enjoying the brush of the soft, golden-red hair that covered it. Gojyo shivered as Hakkai took his hand.

"I want you," Hakkai repeated, caressing Gojyo's hand. "I want to take my time with you." He pressed a kiss to Gojyo's palm, and Gojyo shivered again.

"Look, man—"

"Shh." Hakkai released his hand and bent to kiss Gojyo again, this time going more slowly. After another moment's hesitation, Gojyo responded warmly, running his hands through Hakkai's hair. Hakkai hummed in approval. Yes. No need to hurry. Not with so much to explore. Without breaking the kiss, he slipped his arms around Gojyo, supporting him as he pushed him flat on the berth and crawled on top of him. 

Gojyo pulled at his sweater, freeing it enough to slide his hands underneath and stroke Hakkai's skin. "Ahh," Hakkai breathed against Gojyo's mouth. "Touch me."

Gojyo gently pushed Hakkai up a bit, searching his face. "You're fucking gorgeous," he said. "Shit." He continued to stroke Hakkai's skin. "I'm not looking for anything heavy, okay? Let's just make each other feel good."

Hakkai tried not to let his disappointment show. "Of course," he agreed. "But if it's your first time with a man—"

"First and last," Gojyo said firmly. "No other guy's getting in my bed."

"Then forgive me, but I want to make the most of the occasion." Hakkai rubbed his thumb across the scars on Gojyo's face. "I don't want this to be casual, Gojyo. It may be only for a short time, but I want that time to count for both of us."

Gojyo sighed. "Shit."

"Do you want to stop?"

He shook his head and grinned wryly. "C'mon, then, lover-boy. We'll do it your way."

"You won't regret it." Hakkai mouthed Gojyo's collarbone and Gojyo arched into it.

"I'm holding you to that," he replied, breathlessly grinding his groin against Hakkai's hip. His hard length pressed into Hakkai's stomach with almost bruising force.

Hakkai chuckled. "I think you're trying to tell me something, aren't you?"

"Shut up and sex me," Gojyo said. He slipped a hand between them to fumble at the fastenings of Hakkai's trousers. "Show me what I've been missing." His hand closed around Hakkai's cock.

"Aaah. Yes," Hakkai hissed. Gojyo's expression delighted him, a mixture of lust and apprehension overlaid with sincere appreciation, and Hakkai bent to capture his lips again, rocking gently into his hand. Gojyo's grip firmed and Hakkai gasped into the kiss. He felt Gojyo's lips curl into a smile.

Hakkai pressed their cocks together and put his hand around Gojyo's, lazily stroking them both. When he whispered, "I'd like to fuck you," into Gojyo's ear, he was pleased to feel Gojyo's prick twitch in response. He slid down Gojyo's body and took Gojyo's cock into his mouth.

Gojyo swore and yanked Hakkai's hair. It hurt, but Hakkai enjoyed the feel of the long fingers clutching and pulling, learning Gojyo's preferences and teasing him mercilessly with his tongue and teeth.

"Fuck, I'm gonna—"

Hakkai plunged further down on Gojyo's cock, rolling his balls until Gojyo shivered and thrust up, pushing deep into Hakkai's throat and throwing his head back. 

"God!"

Salt-bitter and hot, Hakkai swallowed Gojyo's discharge. He suckled until Gojyo's cock softened and Gojyo pulled his hair again, but more gently. Hakkai let Gojyo slip from his mouth and draped himself back over his body, sharing Gojyo's flavour with him in slow, deep kisses.

"So goddamned sexy," Gojyo murmured. "Now strip already, would you?"

"Ah haha. I see you're not one of those men who roll over and go to sleep afterwards," Hakkai teased.

"I don't know," Gojyo replied. "My guess is, I'll be rolling over soon enough."

Hakkai laughed again. By the time Gojyo caught his breath, Hakkai had slipped out of his clothing and was once again crouched over him. He slid a hand over the curve of Gojyo's belly, tracing the path of hair leading down to his groin. Gojyo shivered and hissed.

"We need lubricant and condoms."

Gojyo hesitated, but his "in the medicine cabinet," was steady enough. Hakkai fetched the tube and straddled Gojyo's thighs.

"Has anyone ever touched you there?" he asked.

"I've had a couple of chicks stick their fingers in when they were giving me blow-jobs," Gojyo said. "It, ah, it was okay."

"I'll make it better than 'okay.'" Hakkai smiled down at Gojyo, who looked every bit as wanton and sexy as he had imagined he would. Those exotic, lovely red-brown eyes were nearly black with arousal, and he felt the stirrings of Gojyo's reawakening cock brush against his thigh. The man practically radiated sex. The long hair, spread across the pillow like a fan. The swollen lips that promised untold pleasures to sample. The flushed skin, broad shoulders and down-covered chest, flat stomach, muscular thighs… "You're beautiful," Hakkai said softly. "I want to be inside you."

Gojyo's tongue flickered over his lips. The temptation was too much, so Hakkai bent to kiss him, losing himself in the sensuous intimacy of Gojyo's response. He and Kougaiji had kissed for hours like this some nights, but never with the heart-stopping tenderness that Gojyo offered him. Hakkai groaned into Gojyo's mouth. God. He wanted to do this forever…

…Forever. He nuzzled Gojyo's ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth. Gojyo arched up and yes, he wanted this forever, this gorgeous, sexy, responsive man in his bed every night from now on. Lust or love, he'd take whatever Gojyo gave him and demand more, because he suspected he could never have enough. 

"Turn over," he whispered, feeling the brush of Gojyo's erection against his bollocks.

Something flickered across Gojyo's face before he gave Hakkai a slow, sexy smile. He rocked his hips a final time in a way that enflamed Hakkai's blood, and then he was rolling over, watching Hakkai over his shoulder with the most blatant come-hither look Hakkai had ever seen. Blood rushed in Hakkai's ears and Gojyo's smile grew wider just before he settled on his stomach and laid his cheek on his forearm, gripping his pillow tightly.

One of the sleekest arses that Hakkai had ever seen wriggled in front of him. "You're quite frisky," he observed.

"Hey, you promised me nirvana," Gojyo retorted with a smirk. "I wanna hear angels."

"I don't think angels reside in nirvana, but I'll see what I can do." Hakkai stroked Gojyo's arse possessively. "Very nice."

Gojyo laughed. "Wait 'til I get hold of yours."

A warm feeling spread through Hakkai. "You may want to pay attention then. I'm somewhat fond of the music of angels, too." 

"Just get to it, big guy."

He and Kougaiji had always taken sex so seriously, Hakkai realised. It had never been an expression of sensuality so much as it had been a carefully reciprocal arrangement, spontaneity set aside in favour of each man trying to please the other in equal turn. Gojyo's banter made things so much more fun, and the challenge he presented drove Hakkai to take liberties he would have never dreamed of taking with Kougaiji. He trailed his fingers along the crease between Gojyo's arse cheeks and relished Gojyo's involuntary clench at the touch.

Emboldened, Hakkai straddled Gojyo's legs and ran his hands over Gojyo's flanks, pulling at his hips. Gojyo adjusted his position until he was kneeling in front of Hakkai, hanging his head and cursing as Hakkai spread his arse cheeks and ran a slicked finger over Gojyo's hole.

"Tease," Gojyo muttered.

Hakkai circled Gojyo's hole. "Be careful. I might decide to make you work for your pleasure."

"At least then I'd get something out of it—" Gojyo hissed. "Oh, yeah," he breathed as Hakkai pressed in deeper. "Fuck."

"Don't be so impatient." Hakkai pressed a kiss in the small of Gojyo's back and lightly slapped his arse. Encouraged by Gojyo's reaction, he pressed in a second finger. Gojyo's muscles trembled against the invasion. "You're so sensitive," he murmured. "I can't wait to feel you around me."

"Fuck. Hakkai. Please…"

"Shh." He rolled on a condom, slicked himself and inched forward. "It helps if you push out as I enter you." He carefully guided his cock to Gojyo's hole and eased inside. Gojyo hissed and Hakkai groaned in response. "Oh, Gojyo."

"Fuck. Fuck." Gojyo pushed back against him. "Fuck. Hakkai. Fuck."

"Yes, Gojyo, we're fucking." Hakkai began to slowly move, sliding smoothly out and back in.

"Ha ha, funny man," Gojyo panted. "Oh, fuck."

"Are you ready?" Hakkai asked, anchoring Gojyo's hips and thrusting more firmly.

"Give me all you got."

"I will," Hakkai promised. "Hold on. And don't touch yourself until I tell you to."

"Damn you." But Hakkai was pleased to see that Gojyo obeyed.

Oh dear lord, it was glorious. Gojyo was so hot inside, and so responsive, and within moments Hakkai was well into his plan to give Gojyo not only a sound fucking, but a fucking that anyone who came after Hakkai would have to work hard to match. He kept himself under firm control, deliberately bringing Gojyo to the brink time and time again, until Gojyo was cursing and begging and he knew his own control was about to slip.

"Now, Gojyo," Hakkai panted.

Gojyo's hair was wet with sweat and Hakkai could see his shoulders trembling from the strain of having supported Hakkai's thrusts for so long, but he reached back and took himself firmly in hand. "Fuck me," he demanded. "Fuck me, damn it!"

So Hakkai did.

Gojyo cried out and arched; Hakkai could feel his internal muscles spasm. He kept his hips moving through Gojyo's climax, until Gojyo was spent and shaking, then he finally allowed himself to come with a low groan.

"Gojyo--"

He collapsed on top of him and they both fell forward, Gojyo somehow managing to keep them from falling off the narrow berth. He started laughing, sounding breathless. "I figure you can tell your boss that this project was money well spent," he said.

Hakkai laughed weakly and idly ran his fingers through Gojyo's hair. "I think I'll omit this in my final report." 

"Mmmm," Gojyo agreed. He managed to roll over and pulled Hakkai close. "I think you've won yourself a convert."

"So the angels sang?"

"Hell, I think God sang," Gojyo replied. He yawned widely. "Oh, shit, I don't want to fall asleep yet."

Hakkai nuzzled his neck. "I'll keep you awake."

"Good." 

They lay together, not speaking, giving each other gentle caresses, Hakkai's head pillowed on Gojyo's chest. He listened to Gojyo's heartbeat and lazily decided that it was one of the nicest sounds he'd ever heard.

Finally, Gojyo kissed Hakkai and fumbled for his cigarettes. "Too bad you've got to work. Otherwise I think I'd just pretend I was a pirate and kidnap you. Make you my sex slave."

"I rather think that I might prefer to be your master," Hakkai said.

"That could work, too," Gojyo said agreeably, setting aside his lighter and blowing smoke out in a long, contented stream.

Hakkai sighed. "Unfortunately for us both, I do have work. We still haven't reached the end of the hypoxia."

"We'll sail the length of the gulf, then. How far do you want to go?"

"Is this vessel safe for the ocean?"

"She can handle the Grand Banks," Gojyo replied slowly. "Too small for much further out, though. And even on the Grand Banks there are icebergs we'd have to chart."

"Let's hope we don't have to go that far," Hakkai replied. He plucked Gojyo's cigarette from between his lips and drew on it. The small nicotine rush felt good. "Up for another round?"

Gojyo smirked. "Hot for it, aren't you?"

"I prefer to think of it as 'inspired,'" Hakkai replied, grinding the cigarette out in the ashtray and settling over him once again.

*****

Hakkai woke to heaving seas and roaring wind. Gojyo's berth was empty. 

_The equipment!_ He shoved his feet into his boots and pulled his oilskin on; he could hear water – sea or rain, he didn't know which – washing across the deck. He held tightly to the handrail as he climbed the pitching stairs.

Outside, the wind screamed, whipping rain and seawater in his face. He pulled up the hood of his oilskin and hurriedly secured the hatch behind him to keep water from washing below deck.

"Gojyo!" he shouted into the wind. 

"Over here!" he heard from starboard. He turned to see Gojyo struggling with the cables that secured the sea anchor. "Get your fucking floater coat and PFD!" Gojyo roared above the wind. "And then hook up to the cable or get below deck!"

Of course. Gojyo was right, the deck was too dangerous. Hakkai nodded his understanding and turned towards the hatch.

"Hakkai!"

He didn't even see the wave, just felt the driving force of storm and sea crash into him. His feet were swept from under him as he madly fumbled for something to hold on to; the deckhouse flew past, he caught a glimpse of Gojyo's white face and then he was over the rail and falling...

Hakkai hit the sea hard, the impact driving the air from his lungs as he was suddenly submerged in dark, churning water. His heart skipped a beat – the cold was unbearable, sinking deep inside him; he felt as if his body were already shutting down from the shock of it. He could hear the chug of the boat's motor, but more with his body than his ears, which were filled with a roaring sound as he forced himself not to gulp for air. There was no up or down; he had no idea how deep he was, or whether he was sinking further or floating to the surface, and oh, God, it was cold, cold like he'd never felt, and he needed to breathe…

Something closed around his chest; he struck out at it instinctively, but it only tightened and pulled and suddenly his head broke water and he was choking on rain and seawater, but there was air.

"Stop fighting me!" he heard a breathless voice shout in his ear. "Damn it, stop!"

"Gojyo," Hakkai coughed, and stopped flailing. "What…?"

"Hang on to the lifebuoy," Gojyo shouted, pulling him closer. "I'm hooked to the sea anchor cable!" 

"Will it hold us both?" Oh, God, if the carabiner snapped and he took Gojyo with him…

Gojyo didn't answer. Hakkai wrapped his arms around the lifebuoy and hung on grimly, Gojyo's arm a steel band around him as they relied on Gojyo's PFD and the buoy to keep them afloat. Hakkai had already lost all sensation in his hands and feet, and he was shivering so hard that he knew he'd lose his grip on the buoy if Gojyo's strength gave out.

He suddenly realized that they were being pulled closer to the pitching boat: Gojyo had set the automatic winch on the anchor. Hakkai wasn't sure if Gojyo's plan was ingenious or simply suicidal – if the waves threw them against the boat, there was a good chance that they'd be seriously injured or killed.

"Ever climbed a rock wall?" Gojyo bellowed.

Hakkai understood immediately. "Not one made of moving steel!" he shouted back.

"If we don't push away from the boat, the anchor cable will tear off an arm or a leg! Got any better ideas?"

None. Other than not dying, but Hakkai thought he had very little control over his fate at the moment. They'd need to brace themselves to keep from being thrown into the stern of the boat by every wave that broke against the hull. It seemed impossible.

The hull loomed above them now. "We need to ride a wave crest," Gojyo shouted. "For God's sake, don't slip into the trough! We need to get as high as we can or she'll come down on us!"

Hakkai nodded his understanding and left his fate in Gojyo's hands. He'd rather die trying than to die giving up.

The sea welled up under them and Hakkai let go of the lifebuoy and willed his numb fingers to cling desperately to the anchor cable, riding the crest of the wave. The cold steel bit into his hands as he started to climb, Gojyo half-supporting him.

The boat yawed over them and they hung helpless over the black waves for an endless instant before Gojyo shouted, "Brace yourself!" and they were swinging back towards the boat as it tilted towards the heavens. 

Hakkai twisted desperately, but the ship was right _there_ and he slammed into the side before he could get his legs up. He felt the anchor cable pin him against the boat and the hot rush of blood down his arm as it scraped upwards and bit back a scream, then Gojyo was braced and the cable released him. Faint with pain and fear, Hakkai glanced up and saw that they were nearly to the gunwale, and managed to brace his own legs. He could feel Gojyo shaking with the strain of holding them both and saw him unhook his carabiner.

"We've gotta grab the rail before the cable gets to the top!" Gojyo's breathless words were bawled into his ear, but the wind nearly managed to whip them away nonetheless, and then there was no more time to think, just react as Gojyo screamed, "NOW!" and he let go and flailed for the slick gunwale. Hakkai's forearm and elbow hooked over the railing just as the boat dipped towards the sea again, and he knew this was his only chance, so he hooked his other arm over the railing and heaved, his shoulders screaming with the effort. The boat searched for the sky once again and they were rolling across the deck to come up hard against the deckhouse. Hakkai wound an arm through the safety cable and watched as Gojyo managed to reverse the anchor winch. Then they pulled themselves along the safety cable until, blessedly, the hatch was there. A desperate yank, and they were falling down the stairs and away from the storm. 

Hakkai lay gasping on the floor while Gojyo secured the hatch, and then he was swept up in a fierce embrace and Gojyo was raining kisses over his eyes and cheeks and nose until Hakkai had the presence of mind to capture Gojyo's mouth with his own, shaking with adrenaline and cold.

"Oh, God, I thought I'd lost you," Gojyo whispered. He pulled back. "Strip. We've got to get you warm. You're freezing."

Hakkai's teeth were chattering too hard for him to reply. He tried to pull off his wet clothing, but his fingers refused to work and he couldn't feel his feet to stand.

"Shit! Here, let me." Gojyo stripped him before lighting a small kerosene heater and drying him with a towel. Blood welled sluggishly in the wound on his arm, and Gojyo tied a rough bandage around it with a strip he ripped from the towel.

"Get into the berth."

"I don't have any c-clothes on—"

"I'm getting in with you," Gojyo said, putting down the towel and stripping out of his floater coat and soaked clothing. He rubbed the towel over himself roughly and then climbed in on top of Hakkai, pulling the blankets over them and wrapping his arms and legs tightly around Hakkai's body.

Hakkai groaned as sensation began to return to his extremities.

"I know, I know. Hurts like a sonofabitch," Gojyo said softly.

"It burns."

"Yeah." Gojyo nuzzled into Hakkai's shoulder. "Is it getting better?"

"Yes, a bit. Gojyo, I'm sor—"

"Shh. Not yet. I'll chew you out later, promise."

"Ah haha." Hakkai yawned. "I apologize," he said. "It's difficult to cover my mouth when you're holding my arms like that."

"Don't sweat it. Go to sleep."

"I'm quite tired," Hakkai agreed, his eyelids closing of their own accord despite the pitching of the boat. 

The last thing he remembered was Gojyo's warm weight holding him safe.

*****

The sea was still running heavy as dawn struggled through thick fog, but at least the rain had ended.

Hakkai was still asleep, so Gojyo reckoned it was best to take care of his injuries before he woke up, since they were bound to be painful. Both hands were bruised and scraped, but the worst was the place where the anchor cable had rubbed off a large patch of skin and cut deep into the muscle on the inside of Hakkai's left forearm; Gojyo could see the individual strands of steel clearly outlined in the bruises surrounding the injury.

"That's going to leave a scar, you idiot," he whispered as he finished bandaging it. He kissed the bandage, cursing himself for a fool.

He'd only known the man for four days. Slept with him once. Why did the thought of losing Hakkai to the waters terrify him so much? When he'd seen the wave crash across the deck, leaving behind an empty space where Hakkai had been standing, his heart had stopped.

But why wouldn't it? To see someone else in danger, to feel completely useless in the face of things too big to handle yet needing to handle them – that was what this feeling was. Right?

_No._

Gojyo caught his breath. Well, perhaps he cared more than if Hakkai had been a complete stranger--

_No._

"Gojyo Shaw, you're a fucking fool," he whispered. _It can't be love._

Somewhere in his chest he felt warmth grow and spread. Gojyo groaned and dropped his head into his hands.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid--_

"Gojyo?"

He looked up and met sea-green eyes. "Hey."

Hakkai closed his eyes and rubbed them. "I'm so very sorry for being so stupid." He dropped his hand and looked up at Gojyo. "You could have been killed."

"Isn't that my line?" Gojyo couldn't keep some annoyance from seeping in. Jesus, why the hell did he fall for someone so, so goddamned polite? If the guy had been a prick about it, Gojyo could hit him and clear the air. Instead, he felt like he was treading through a minefield of words. 

"Yes. Of course." 

"Look—" Gojyo shook his head. "It was a stupid mistake, but it was a mistake. That's all. Don't beat yourself up about it."

"But—"

"A learning experience, hey?"

"Gojyo."

Gojyo sighed. "What?"

"Please allow me to express my feelings," Hakkai said firmly.

Feelings. Gojyo winced. His were all over the place at the moment, so he couldn't imagine what was going on with Hakkai. He braced himself, cursing his stupidity, feeling little quivers of hope when all that was on offer was gratitude, possibly friendship. "Fine. Go ahead."

"Thank you." Hakkai's voice was dry and somewhat amused, but he sobered immediately, a frown on his face. He lay silently for a few moments before he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Ah haha. Well. It appears that I'm not quite sure what to say after all."

"Want me to hit you?" Gojyo offered dubiously. "It usually works with Sanzo."

Hakkai's eyes widened and then he started laughing in earnest. "No," he finally choked out.

"Thank Christ for that." Gojyo slumped back in his chair and tapped out a cigarette. He looked up to see Hakkai sitting up in the berth and regarding him with what looked like affection. "What?"

"My first thought when I saw you in that jail cell was to hope there was another boat for hire," Hakkai said, a soft smile on his face. "I can't express how glad I am that I didn't follow up on that thought."

Gojyo smirked and lit his cigarette. "Heh, heh. Good thing you didn't. I'd already spent the money you gave me."

Hakkai chuckled, shaking his head. "Is there anything to eat? I'm quite hungry."

"Eggs and bacon, coming up." 

*****

Hakkai spent long days rubbing condensation off gauges and panels, adrift in a fogbound sea and relying solely on Gojyo's navigation skills, interspersed with the occasional shore leave during which Gojyo picked up more supplies and filled the boat's tanks, while he bent over his laptop in cafes that offered wireless connections, conferring with colleagues. Another storm rolled through and there were a few beautiful days, but time was chiefly framed by the cold, grey seas and the hot press of Gojyo's body.

All doubts had flown; this was love, and Hakkai was determined to seize it.

Gojyo was hardly everything that he'd always wanted in a partner. He smoked, he drank, his language was absolutely foul, he had unpleasant habits such as leering at women and smirking during sex. But he was also ridiculously soft-hearted, fearless, generous to a fault, thoughtful and intelligent when taken seriously, and the most exciting lover Hakkai had ever had.

It seemed that no act was taboo for Gojyo, which suited Hakkai down to the ground, as he possessed a healthy imagination and a strong sexual appetite. If anything, Gojyo pushed him to explore acts that Hakkai had never considered, always with that little smirk accompanied by achingly tender kisses that betrayed Gojyo's bravado. 

The bravado itself seemed to be Gojyo's defence against intimacy and a product of what appeared to be a deeply misguided feeling of inadequacy. As Hakkai learned more of Gojyo's childhood, he developed a dislike of Gojyo's stepmother bordering on hatred, and was determined to prove to Gojyo that he was better than that bitter woman had ever been, and worthy of love.

Not that he could say any of this aloud. In a strange way, being with Gojyo was teaching Hakkai an entirely new language, one comprised of touches and shared smiles, the lift of an eyebrow, the swing of heavy red hair bound in a queue, or the glow of a cigarette in the dark.

He heard the hatch creak and turned away from the pot of soup he was heating on the small propane stove. Lazy notched cat-eyes filled with promise made Hakkai's mouth go dry in an instant as Gojyo came down the stairs. He turned back to the soup, hiding his flare of arousal and making Gojyo come to him. 

This, too, was a part of the language they were creating together. Hakkai maintained firm control of their sex life, and Gojyo delighted in challenging it, though he always submitted in the end. The tension wrought by the battle of wills kept Hakkai alert and interested. He was never quite sure that Gojyo wouldn't wrestle power away from him.

Though that might be interesting, too.

"Everything's secured for the night," Gojyo said, standing so close behind him that Hakkai could feel the heat of his body. He couldn't help gasping at a wet caress on the back of his neck. Warm air flow over the spot; he closed his eyes, unable to suppress a shiver at the touch of Gojyo's tongue and breath and nothing more.

"The soup is nearly ready, if you'd like to put the place settings out," he said, keeping his voice serene and steady through a sheer act of will.

"Leave it." A finger trailed down his back, barely brushing his shirt.

"We have all night for that," Hakkai said repressively. "Besides, it's not sanitary leaving food out too long."

"Mmm. Unsanitary. Gives me ideas." Gojyo reached around Hakkai and turned off the burner. 

Hakkai didn't bother turning it back on. "If you're so eager," he said softly, "I want you to go on deck, drop your trousers around your ankles and grip the wheelhouse ladder with both hands."

"And what if I want you to do that instead?"

Hakkai ran the possibility through his head and found the idea intriguing. "If I do that, you must do everything that I tell you to do."

"Heh, heh. And maybe a few things of my own, besides."

"No, Gojyo." Hakkai turned around and faced him squarely, allowing his desire to show on his face. "Only what I tell you to do."

The smirk faded from Gojyo's face. He searched Hakkai's face, lingering on his lips. "All right," he agreed. "But you better make it worth my time."

"I promise you won't be bored." Without waiting to see if Gojyo followed, Hakkai climbed to the deck, loosening his trousers along the way. When he reached the wheelhouse ladder he pushed his trousers over his hips and allowed them to drop to his feet. He reached up and took hold firmly.

"Damn," Gojyo said. "You look—"

"I want you to stay fully clothed," Hakkai said smoothly. "You may use your hands to remove any clothing that needs to be pulled over my head or unbuttoned. However, all other touches must be with your mouth only."

Gojyo eyed Hakkai's loose boxer shorts and snorted. "Mouth only, eh? It'd be easier if you were a briefs man."

"Why do you think I asked you to do this in the first place?" Hakkai was gratified to see a look of unbridled lust cross Gojyo's face.

"Hell, I might stop wearing pants at all if I thought you'd make me drop trou to have your evil way with me any time of the day or night."

Hakkai smiled and said, "I'm waiting."

Gojyo's mouth proved to be very skilled indeed. 

When they finally collapsed together in a sated tangle, Hakkai leaned his head back against Gojyo's chest. It rose and fell in a satisfyingly breathless way, matching his own efforts to regain his composure.

"That was fucking amazing," Gojyo murmured. He gathered Hakkai closer, and Hakkai melted into the embrace.

"Mmm," he agreed, his hand caressing Gojyo's conveniently-placed thigh. 

Gojyo nuzzled his hair. "Hey, we need to put some clothes on. That breeze is cold."

"We need to remember a blanket next time," Hakkai murmured, his mind busy with plans.

"Heh, heh." Gojyo sat up and stretched. "C'mon, we can cuddle downstairs, in our nice comfortable miniature bed."

Hakkai laughed and allowed Gojyo to pull him to his feet. They collected their clothing and padded down the steps naked, dropping the clothes on Gojyo's berth and slipping into Hakkai's, spooned tight together in the small space.

"I could get used to this," Gojyo said. Hakkai felt the brush of lips against his neck.

"Mmm."

"Think we can fall asleep like this?"

"Mmm."

He heard Gojyo chuckle. "G'night."

"Mmm. Gojyo?"

"Yeah?"

"Mmm."

Gojyo snorted, the puff of his laughter warm against Hakkai's skin. "No more words, eh?"

Gojyo's voice wrapped around him, warm and sensual and so full of affection that Hakkai felt like he should respond, even though he was mostly asleep.

"Love you," he murmured. Gojyo stiffened and his arms tightened around Hakkai's stomach. Hakkai felt another brush of warm air against his neck as he drifted off, secure in Gojyo's embrace.

*****

A rare clear night, insomnia, and the need for a cigarette lured Gojyo from the warm berth into the cool midnight air on deck. The sea swelled and dipped under his feet like a contented cat, and he could see the running lights of a tanker on the edge of the horizon. But other than that, he was alone, the only human in the world other than the man who slept below. 

It was all getting too damned complicated.

_Love you._

Strange how two words had the power to bring his world crashing down. But he hadn't misheard, he was certain of it. Gojyo drew hard on his cigarette and tried to figure out what to do.

It had started out pretty simple, really. Sex with another man had been surprisingly easy to adjust to. No identity problems, no sudden doubts about his sexuality – it was just like he'd told Hakkai. No other guy would ever be in his bed. But Hakkai wasn't a guy so much as he was Hakkai, so that made the whole gay sex thing okay by Gojyo.

He'd found it harder to come to terms with the fact that he was in love with Hakkai. Again, it wasn't the Hakkai-was-a-man thing so much as it was that Gojyo suspected that, never having learned about love when he was young, he sucked at it now. He'd always been a love 'em and leave 'em guy for a reason: then he never was the one left. It was a rule of nature, practically: if others loved him, he could leave them behind. If he loved someone else… 

…They left him behind. 

Shit. Yeah. A rule of nature.

Still, when he thought about the fact that he loved Hakkai and that he knew that Hakkai was going to leave soon, it ended up being okay. Because hey, he'd gone into it with his eyes open. He was a big boy. He'd decided to give his heart to a guy that he hardly knew and who he knew from the start would leave him, but that was the way of life on the sea, had been happening to ocean-going people since the beginning of time. 

So yeah, up until an hour or so ago, everything had been okay. The gay sex thing. The falling in love thing. The being left behind thing. Tough, but okay. With a little bit of work, he could deal with all that.

What he couldn't deal with was Hakkai loving _him._

What the hell was the idiot thinking? Damn! Gojyo was just a punk living on a rock in the middle of a sea full of icebergs, a ratty old tugboat the only thing worth anything in his life. Hakkai had it all: a career, an exciting life travelling the world, money. What could he possibly see in Gojyo?

The answer, of course: good sex and isolation. Throw in a rescue at sea, and yeah, the jerk probably got it all mixed up and thought he was in love. Gojyo hesitated, his heart falling. At least, that better be what it was. If it was just that Hakkai fell in love easily, or said the words because he thought Gojyo would want to hear them – well, if it was either of those, then that would just underline how pathetic he really thought Gojyo was. 

Nobody could love a loser who spent every other weekend in jail sleeping it off whenever he was ashore. That was just insane.

Fuck. He had to drive that stupid idea out of Hakkai's head.

The problem was, he was a selfish bastard. He really didn't want to make Hakkai come to his senses. Gojyo sort of liked the idea that, even when Hakkai left, he could always imagine that there was someone in the world who cared that he was alive, who thought about him and felt good. To give that up… ah hell. Just the thought of it made him want to bury himself in booze and sail the boat straight into an iceberg. 

He threw his cigarette butt into the sea and banged the back of his head against the deckhouse.

Why had Hakkai gone and ruined everything like that?

The sea didn't offer any answers, and eventually Gojyo drifted back to bed, still feeling lost.

*****

Gojyo killed the motor and let the boat coast into position. "We're at the bottom of Cabot Strait. The currents are tricky here, so I want you to put on a floater coat."

Hakkai sighed. "Of course. You don't actually plan to tip us into the sea, though, do you?"

"Not at the moment, but you can't tell when the urge might take me." Gojyo glanced at Hakkai. "Think anyone would pay a good ransom for you to keep me from doing it?"

"Ah haha! Oh, Gojyo! A blue whale!" 

Gojyo followed Hakkai's finger in time to see a massive tail flip through the air and disappear under the water. "This is a good area for seeing them."

"I envy you," Hakkai said, watching the spot where the whale had disappeared. "To live in a place with such biodiversity, such a unique interaction of ecosystems…"

"Lost on me, man," Gojyo said, shaking his head and grinning. "I see a whale, I think of all the fat American tourist dollars I could be earning."

"Can you really make a living taking tourists on voyages in the summer? Enough to keep you going?" Hakkai reached past Gojyo to take a floater coat off a hook. "The gulf freezes over in winter, doesn't it?"

Gojyo retorted mildly, "What, got something against playing poker in the off season?"

"No." Hakkai shrugged into the coat. "It's just… there are easier ways of making a living."

"What. Factory work?"

"Not factory work. You're an intelligent man. Why don't you go to school, learn a different trade perhaps?"

Gojyo shook his head. "Look, drop it. I am what I am."

Hakkai looked at him thoughtfully. "Gojyo," he said hesitantly, "would you consider coming with me back to England? You're knowledgeable about this part of the world, and with some on-the-job training, you could be a valuable asset to the Institute—"

"I sail boats, Hakkai. I don't know a fucking thing about anything else, except poker. Think your Institute needs a good gambler?" Gojyo shook his head again, trying to rein in his annoyance. "I know you're just trying to help—"

"Shhh." Hakkai pulled him away from the wheel and claimed his mouth in a deep kiss, as if he were trying to suck the words off of Gojyo's tongue. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to leave you," he murmured.

Gojyo sighed and leaned his forehead against Hakkai's. "But you're going to. Let's face it. You and me? Out here is the only place it works. And no matter how much we want to stay out here like this, it'll end. And once we're back on land, this?" he kissed Hakkai's forehead, "This will be over."

"No," Hakkai said in a low voice. "I won't let it."

"What, you going to kidnap me or something? Then who will Sanzo write about?" He pulled Hakkai close. "Don't borrow trouble. Let's just enjoy what time we have."

Hakkai didn't reply. Damn. Gojyo had found over the past few weeks that, once Hakkai got something in his head, it took a lot to shift it. Which meant that he was probably feeling like crap right now, since he was idiot enough to think he was in love.

"Hey," Gojyo said softly, "It's not the end of the world."

Hakkai reluctantly released him. "We'll make it work, Gojyo," he said.

Now it was Gojyo's turn to remain silent. "I believe that you want to," he finally said, turning away and taking the wheel in his hands.

"Don't you?"

Gojyo stared at the horizon. Somewhere beyond it lay Hakkai's world, the ocean both a link and a barrier. "Aw, crap. Yeah. Yeah, of course I want to make it work. But I can't see how, and I don’t want to pretend I hope we can work things out if I'm pretty sure we can't."

"Do you love me, Gojyo?"

His heart thudded, once, twice, three times while he tried to figure out how to answer Hakkai's question. If he said yes, then Hakkai wouldn't give up his stupid crush until it was way too late for both of them. 

If he said no, he'd be lying.

"No," he said, forcing the words through lips that suddenly felt frozen. "I'm sorry, but I don't." He kept staring ahead, aware of Hakkai's intent gaze. 

Hakkai suddenly started chuckling. "I honestly don't understand how you can win at poker," he said. "You're the worst liar I've ever seen."

"What?" Gojyo demanded, looking at him, red with embarrassment. "Weren't you listening just now? I said I don't love you!"

"You said it with your words, but every other part of your body said something else entirely," Hakkai said complacently. He embraced Gojyo from behind, resting his chin on Gojyo's shoulder. "We'll work it out," he repeated, sounding way too confident.

"You're an idiot," Gojyo grumbled.

"A happy idiot," Hakkai agreed, smiling. 

*****


	3. Chapter 3

Hakkai sat at the foldout table in the galley, recording the last of the readings into his notes. Two days now, and none of the samples were below sixty percent oxygenated, though even that seemed low given that the water here was mainly from the Atlantic, which should be quite well-oxygenated indeed. Still, it appeared that he'd found the easternmost limit of the anoxic region, well beyond where it had been charted in the past.

He wished he felt more satisfaction with his work.

Actually, his work was fine – important, obviously, and many of his colleagues were already calculating the impact on the region's biodiversity – but the feeling of dread underlying his happiness returned stronger than ever.

_I've got to go home._

He thought of his flat, overflowing with books. They used to be more important to him than anything. Not even Kougaiji had been able to drag him away from them once he was well and truly submerged in research. But Kougaiji wasn't Gojyo. He closed his notebook and stared at it, trying to think of a way to convince Gojyo that their relationship didn't have to end now that his work was complete, but his mind still couldn't formulate a way past Gojyo's refusal to listen.

If only Gojyo weren't so full of misplaced pride. Hakkai sighed. There were so many things that Gojyo could do with his life, but all of the hints and suggestions that Hakkai had offered had been met with a wall of stubbornness that nearly matched his own.

A smile twisted the corner of his mouth. 'Nearly' being the key word, of course. He stowed away the notebook, stretched, and then climbed the stairs to the deck and leaned over the bow. 

The sea was glassy, its stillness stretching as far as the eye could see in all directions. The sun rode low in the west, and the _Manituw_ floated, idle, not even the smell of diesel strong enough to disturb the tranquillity that belied the incredibly complex interactions of life that swarmed beneath the surface. Gojyo was right – even calm like this, the Atlantic felt different here in the north than she did in Barbuda, wilder, stronger, more capricious, not as if she were taking a lazy nap, but more as if she had paused to decide what she felt like doing next. While Hakkai loved the warm tropical seas of his childhood, he found himself strongly in sympathy with the unpredictable independence of these cold northern waters.

He heard Gojyo making his way down the wheelhouse ladder and made room for him on the railing.

"It's beautiful like this," Gojyo said, leaning next to him, shoulder nudged against his. A bit of hair had escaped from his queue, and Hakkai had the strong urge to tuck it back behind Gojyo's ear, but refrained from touching him.

"Yes, I was thinking the same," he said instead. "So different from the ocean of my childhood."

"Are we going further out tomorrow?"

Hakkai shook his head. He felt Gojyo grow tense for a moment, then slowly relax.

"It should only take us a couple of days to get back," Gojyo said.

"Mmm."

They leaned on the gunwale railing, silent, but communicating everything that needed to be said regardless until the sun slipped below the horizon. Then Gojyo dragged the berth pads on deck, spread them with blankets, and took Hakkai, first to bed, then in earnest, entering him slowly and with such tenderness that Hakkai lost his heart all over again. Afterwards, they lay entwined together, neither sleeping, watching the stars in the clear night sky until dawn brushed them away.

*****

Two days later they reached Isle aux Morts. Gojyo eased into the refuelling area at the main pier and cut the engines. "I'm going to get her filled up before we go back to the house," he said. "D'you want to get us something for dinner tonight?"

"Do you have anything in mind?"

Gojyo grunted. "Beer. Otherwise, just make sure it's easy to make."

Hakkai nodded and jumped to the pier, catching the lines that Gojyo threw him and tying the tug off. Then he headed into town, leaving Gojyo behind talking to the fellow named Ernie.

The last two days on the boat had been very quiet, neither of them saying much. Gojyo had acted as if nothing was bothering him, except that Hakkai had noticed that the closer they came to Isle aux Morts, the more withdrawn he became. He'd smoked so many cigarettes that morning that Hakkai had mentioned it to him; he'd seemed surprised, but cut back to something resembling his normal smoking pattern. 

On his way to the small grocery store at the end of the pier, Hakkai thought about his options. He had an open return ticket. He had vacation time coming that he'd never taken. Perhaps if Gojyo didn't want to come to England, Hakkai could stay here, at least for a few weeks. Perhaps he could hire Gojyo to take him whale-watching, or persuade him to go to Quebec City or Montreal for a week of decadent living and sex. Perhaps…

He sighed. Perhaps he should be a bit more realistic. One thing at a time. Dinner first, then they could talk.

The little store was surprisingly busy. Hakkai picked out some nice looking vegetables and debated the relative merits of chicken, fish or beef before settling on two steaks. 

He was a bit overwhelmed when he confronted the beer cooler, so he decided that it might be best to pick up a couple of different kinds, one of the brand that Gojyo had had on the boat, and another that might be more to his own taste. A familiar-looking man was also perusing the selection. Hakkai tried to place the man's face, and the memory of a lip twisted in a sneer and cold, angry eyes surfaced. 

He'd been one of the men on the pier that first day, harassing Gojyo.

Hakkai warily eyed the man – Jenkins, that was what Gojyo had called him – who reached into the refrigerator and picked out a six-pack of beer. After Jenkins left, Hakkai made his own selection and went to wait in the short queue at the cashier's counter.

He was surprised to see Dubois in line in front of him carrying his own basket of groceries and waiting for Jenkins to pay for his beer. 

"Mr Dubois," Hakkai exclaimed. "I didn't expect to see someone I knew here."

"You're that scientist that Gojyo took out, aren't you?" Dubois said. "It's good to see you again. Did you get your research finished?"

"Yes, we did." Hakkai smiled. "And I never properly introduced myself, did I? My name is Hakkai, Hakkai Cho." They awkwardly shook hands while balancing their grocery baskets. "Gojyo and I just got back in. He's refuelling the boat while I pick up dinner."

"My wife asked me to pick up a few things, too," Dubois said, winking.

"Ah haha." Hakkai wasn't sure what the wink meant. "We've had primarily canned rations for the past few weeks," he said politely. "I'm looking forward to eating something fresh."

"Gojyo's not much of a cook."

"No, he isn't. But I'm fairly skilled, enough to be able to make some vegetables and grill a steak," Hakkai said.

"Ah. How was the weather?" Dubois put his basket on the counter and the clerk began to ring him out. By the time she'd given Dubois his change and turned to Hakkai, Dubois had thoroughly interrogated Hakkai about their voyage, leaving him somewhat bemused, but overall feeling welcomed. Dubois left, waving, as Hakkai handed over his cash and received his change. He accepted his bag of groceries with a smile and headed back to the _Manituw_.

She bobbed quietly beside the pier with no one nearby, though it looked like the refuelling had been finished, since the hose was neatly coiled next to the pump. Hakkai called for Gojyo, but when he didn't appear, he shrugged and awkwardly jumped onto the boat, heading for the galley and stowing the groceries there for the time being, feeling vaguely uneasy. While he waited for Gojyo to return, he checked over the crew quarters and packed some small sundries that he'd forgotten earlier, then tidied the place up a bit, stripping the berths and bundling the linens into a neat pile and wiping down the galley.

An hour later, Gojyo still hadn't appeared. The late afternoon sun was giving way to a patchy fog that seemed to be settling in. Concerned, Hakkai left the boat and found Ernie, who was getting ready to leave at the end of his shift. He introduced himself and asked after Gojyo.

"Gojyo? I saw him earlier, behind the ship repair shop," Ernie said, pointing further down the harbour. Through the fog, Hakkai could vaguely see what appeared to be a small warehouse-like building sitting at the edge of the harbour a few hundred metres away.

"What was he doing there?" Hakkai said.

Ernie shrugged. "I didn't talk to him. He was with a few of the boys."

A few of the boys? The uneasiness that Hakkai had been feeling for the past hour redoubled and his mind flew back to the grocery store. Jenkins had been in line ahead of Dubois when Dubois had greeted Hakkai. Had Jenkins had still been there when he'd mentioned that Gojyo was back at the boat? Hakkai very much feared that he had. Thanking Ernie, Hakkai hurried up the pier to the wharf and headed for the building he'd seen, hoping that he was wrong and very much convinced that he wasn't.

A couple of men looked like they were leaving as he came to the building. "Have either of you seen Gojyo Shaw?" Hakkai asked. 

"He was out back a couple hours ago," one of them said. "Hey!" he protested as Hakkai pushed past him. "We're locking up!"

"I'll just be a moment," Hakkai called back, heading for the area behind the shop. He ignored the shouts behind him, nearly running as he tried to find Gojyo. Instinct drove him towards the water and several empty docks; the sea – thankfully at low tide – was barely visible through the gathering fog. He called out Gojyo's name, trying to keep the fear from sounding in his voice.

When he reached the third dock, he heard a faint answer. "Hakkai?"

"Gojyo! Where are you?"

"Down here."

Hakkai knelt at the edge of the dock, looking down. Gojyo was on the rocks below, leaning against a piling. "Gojyo!"

He looked up, and Hakkai could see blood on his face. "I think I'm gonna need some help," Gojyo said, clutching his abdomen. 

"I'll be right there!" Hakkai raced back to the top of the dock, where he encountered the two workers again. 

One of the men put his arm out. "Stop right there, damn it!"

"I've found him," Hakkai said, running past them. "Follow me." He didn't wait to see if they did, just ran to the steps leading down to the concrete quay. He ran along it until he reached the steps leading to the water's edge, then scrambled over the exposed rocks, slimy with seaweed.

He knelt by Gojyo's side. "How bad?" he asked as he pushed back Gojyo's hair to see his face better.

"I've had worse," Gojyo said. "I think they may have busted a rib—" He stopped as the two workers scrambled up to them.

"What the hell happened?"

"Fell off the dock in the fog. Hit my head," Gojyo said, his voice tight with pain. "Fuck. Sorry about all the excitement, guys."

"No worries. You need a doctor?"

Hakkai was about to say 'yes' when Gojyo grabbed his knee. ''I'll be fine," Gojyo said. "If you guys want to go, just lock up. We can close the place behind us when we leave."

"You need some help getting him home?" one of the men asked Hakkai.

Gojyo tightened his grip, so Hakkai shook his head. "We'll be fine, thank you." He waited until the men had disappeared into the fog before he turned to Gojyo. "What was that all about?" he demanded. "You've been beaten!"

"Don't want to get anyone else mixed up in my business," Gojyo said. "Besides, the big guy was the brother of one of those damned punks. Fuck. Help me up, would you?"

"You need a doctor," Hakkai pointed out. 

"I need to get home. You know any first aid?"

"It doesn't extend to broken ribs, if that's what you're asking." Hakkai was beginning to get angry. "Gojyo, this is dangerous. If your injuries are serious—" 

"Just… Don't, Hakkai. Not now, okay? Let's get home first."

Hakkai paused and then gave a curt nod. "I'm going to slip my arm behind you," he said, positioning himself next to Gojyo. "Do you think you can drape your left arm over my shoulders?"

"Yeah." With an effort, Hakkai managed to drag Gojyo upright. "Let me catch my breath," Gojyo panted. "Fuck." Hakkai could feel him shaking with the effort to stay on his feet. When Gojyo finally nodded, Hakkai carefully helped him over the slippery rocks and up the stairs until they reached the warehouse.

Gojyo grunted. "You can let me go now. It's better now that I'm moving again," he said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He winced. "Damn. I'm gonna need some heavy duty pain killers in the morning."

"I still think that I should take you to a doctor, or at least to a clinic."

"Nearest one's in Port aux Basques. I'm not coughing up blood," he said, seeming to think that was a reasonable measure of health.

Hakkai frowned. "Perhaps the rib hasn't punctured your lung. Yet."

Gojyo chuckled weakly. "Let's go home."

Hakkai kept himself from hovering with an effort, and it did seem as though Gojyo were doing better as they walked back to the main pier. He went white when Hakkai helped him jump onto the _Manituw_ , and seemed shaky on the ladder to the wheelhouse, but eventually he was leaning on the wheel, insisting he was ready to sail. Hakkai hurried back down and cast off, and Gojyo eased her away from the pier and headed for his home.

Helping Gojyo climb back down the ladder once the _Manituw_ was safely docked was a challenge, but eventually Hakkai got him into the house, where he fed him painkillers and helped him stretch out on the settee while Hakkai started the fire in the woodburning stove.

A little while later, Hakkai had cleaned Gojyo up and bandaged the visible wounds. He picked up the keys. "I'll be back in a bit."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find a doctor, and then I'm going to the police station to file a complaint."

"No, you're not!" Gojyo struggled to a sitting position, wincing. "Leave it. On both counts. I might piss blood for a day or two, but I'll be fine."

Hakkai tried to gently push Gojyo back down. "I understand that you're reluctant—"

Gojyo pushed Hakkai's hand away. "It's none of your business," he said sharply. "Look, if you go running off to the police, people will get pissed. It's a small town. And if they get pissed, the next thing you know, rumours start flying."

"Rumours? About what? Us?" 

"About what happened." Gojyo looked uncomfortable. "A doctor would have to report injuries like this to the police, that's why I don't want to see one. Besides, you're just a customer, and an outside one at that. You shouldn't get involved."

Hakkai felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach. "I can't believe you just said that."

"I'm being realistic." He relented a bit as Hakkai stood aghast. "It's not what I think that matters, here. That's what everyone else will think."

"You mean to tell me that because I'm merely your contracted employer, if I have the decent humanity to try to ensure your health and safety they'll automatically assume… what? That we're in a relationship?"

"Maybe," Gojyo said. "Or else they'll think I'm ratting out on their friends to someone from the outside. Don't you get it? That's how it is here."

Hakkai stared. "That needs to be changed. Isn't there anyone in this village who would report an individual to the police if that person assaulted someone?"

"Yeah, but they won't do anything about something like this," Gojyo replied impatiently. "Not because they're assholes," he said at Hakkai's horrified look, "but what can they do? We've got a Mountie who shows up once a week, a couple of volunteers who can round up the volunteer rescue brigade if it's needed or lock up a drunk, but a fight between a half-breed and some of the local boys? Who would arrest those guys? 76-year-old Alf Thistlethwaite? Little Mrs Lombard?"

"It shouldn't be like that." Impulsively, Hakkai sat next to Gojyo. "Come home with me. Please."

"And sponge off of you? No way. I've got some pride. Not a lot, but enough."

"I'll help you find a job or more schooling—"

"Hakkai, if I come to England with you, I'll be a fuck toy," Gojyo said crudely. "I know you wouldn't treat me like that, but that's how I'd feel. I'm not doing it."

"You're being unreasonable!"

"Fair warning," Gojyo said, glaring. "If you keep talking about this, I'm going to punch you, and I don't want to do that."

Hakkai blanched. "Gojyo!"

Gojyo shifted uneasily. "Sanzo's place is at the top of the hill. Just… just stay there tonight, okay? I'll pick you up in the morning and take you to the Deer Lake airport."

"I can't believe—"

"Hakkai! Damn it, listen to me! I don't want to start resenting you, got it? And I'm gonna, if we don't stop arguing about this!"

"Then I won't say anything," Hakkai said, breathless with dread. "I don't agree with you, but I don't want to lose any of the time we have. I promise I won't bring it up again."

Gojyo shook his head and turned away, looking suddenly more desperate than angry. "No. If we're together tonight, so help me God, if you ask me to come back with you again in the morning, I won't be able to say no, and then I'll fucking hate myself and you." He looked back, pleading. "Let me go. Please."

Hakkai's heart was pounding so hard in his ears that he felt faint. "Gojyo," he whispered.

"I'll get the truck loaded and pick you up around ten, okay? And don't bother locking the door or anything when you go out. 

"You can't load a lorry in your condition."

"I'll be fine," Gojyo said. "Just… go away. I can't be around you right now."

Hakkai stared at him a moment longer, then stood. He felt like a puppet: someone else was making his head nod, someone else's voice was saying, "of course," someone else was moving him from the settee to the door. He paused, his hand on the doorknob, not looking back. "Good night." He turned the knob, then he was outside and the door was closed.

He made his way up the steps and knocked at Sanzo's door. After a pause, it opened.

"What?" Sanzo demanded.

"Gojyo told me to stay here tonight," Hakkai said. "I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't impose on you like this. Perhaps you could point me towards the bed and breakfast—"

"Tch. Get in here." Sanzo held the door open and Hakkai obediently went inside. He stood unmoving in the short hallway as Sanzo closed the door and headed towards a lit doorway, out of which came a series of explosions and beeping noises. "Well?" Sanzo asked impatiently, pausing. 

"Of course," Hakkai agreed, forcing himself to be polite. "Thank you very much, Sanzo."

Sanzo rolled his eyes. "Beers are in the fridge," he said, and disappeared into the room.

Hakkai walked down the hallway until he found the kitchen and took two beers out of the refrigerator. He went back to the room Sanzo had disappeared into and paused in the doorway.

Goku was playing a video game, intent on the screen in front of him. Sanzo was sitting in a worn and beat-up leather chair, wearing a pair of reading glasses and frowning fiercely at a newspaper. It somehow seemed too normal for the pair, though Hakkai wasn't sure what else he might have expected if he'd ever given Sanzo's living arrangements any thought. He crossed the room to give a beer to Sanzo, then tentatively sat on the settee and stared at his own bottle.

Sanzo glanced at him sharply. "Goku, get the fuck out," he said.

"But Sanzo--!"

"Get out!"

Goku slammed the game controls down on the floor and stood, glaring. "I don't like secrets," he said, but Hakkai was relieved to see him exit the room.

"I'm not some agony aunt," Sanzo warned. "I don't give a fuck what happened."

"I understand," Hakkai said. "I wonder if you might tell me where a man named Jenkins lives?"

Sanzo looked at him sharply. "I doubt they'll let you off a second time."

Hakkai felt the blood drain from his face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Conviction for criminal assault and battery ring a bell? Sentence suspended because of extenuating circumstance?"

 _Oh, God. He knows._ "How did you find out?"

"I looked into you when you hired Gojyo. Wanted to see just who would hire a broken-down tug to do research."

"Does Gojyo know?"

Sanzo shrugged. "I didn't tell him. It's none of my business."

"I can't allow another person that I care for be murdered because I wasn't there when he needed me," Hakkai said quietly.

"So, what? Are you going to stay here? Start fighting his battles for him?"

"I just want him to be safe!"

"That asshole's fate is his fate, just like your sister's was hers. You don't have anything to do with that. We only get one fate apiece."

"That's ironic, considering how you exploited Gojyo's life," Hakkai replied grimly. He clenched his fists. "Do you intend to exploit me in the same manner?"

"It's how I make a living," Sanzo said.

"I've gone to great lengths to overcome the consequences of my actions, and I'd prefer it not be brought up again. I should also probably mention that I have a somewhat more sophisticated acquaintance with intellectual rights and libel laws than Gojyo possesses."

"You can shove your intellectual rights up your ass," Sanzo said. "Sue me. A book will sell a hell of a lot more copies because of all of the publicity, and if I lose, I'll just sell my property, including the house Gojyo's living in." He arched an eyebrow.

"You know I don't want Gojyo to lose his home." Hakkai forced himself to take a deep breath and reign in his anger. "I don't suppose I could ask you to keep any of this in confidence?"

"I've never promised anyone anything."

Hakkai remained silent. Sanzo ignored him and turned back to his paper.

"I still want to do something for him," Hakkai eventually said quietly. "Did you realise that he's being targeted by a group of white men because he's half-Indian?"

"He can take care of himself."

"Tonight they beat him and left him for dead beneath a dock." Sanzo looked a bit grim at that, Hakkai was pleased to note. "These things tend to escalate if something isn't done."

"And what exactly do you think needs to be done?"

"I'd like Gojyo to return to England with me, but he refuses," Hakkai said. "He says this community doesn't have the resources to arrest his attackers. It seems to me that the only other action is to confront them."

"You don't know him very well if you think he'll put up with you doing that," Sanzo said.

"I'm quite well-trained in the martial arts," Hakkai remarked coolly. "I might not look it, but I can certainly make a group of common hoodlums think twice before doing anything like that again."

"Let me ask you this. Say you were in England, and the jerk was there living with you. You run into a gang and come out half-dead. Gojyo goes out and kicks some gang ass. How would you feel?"

"That's not the point!"

"What is the point, then?"

"Justice," Hakkai said grimly. 

"There's no such thing."

"Forgive me, but there is."

"Is it just for one man to beat another?"

"It depends on the circumstances."

"Circumstances are subjective. You want to avenge your lover. Maybe one of those men feels a similar need for vengeance against Gojyo."

Hakkai ignored the reference to his relationship with Gojyo; he had a feeling that Sanzo wouldn't believe a denial, anyway. "I don't care about what anyone else needs, I only care about Gojyo."

"Like I said, subjective. Justice is the same way." Sanzo lit a cigarette and let it dangle from his mouth.

"We have laws—"

"—That are circumvented by people all the time."

"As I did, I suppose you think," Hakkai said bitterly. "What do you think I should do, then?"

"Choose your own path, but don't justify your actions because of someone else. If you're going to hurt someone, do it because you want to."

"That's a cynical view of the world."

"It's honest. I do everything I do because I want to do it."

"So if Goku were in danger, you wouldn't act to save him?"

"Goku can take care of himself." Sanzo blew smoke. 

"I don't believe you," Hakkai said, surprising himself with his vehemence.

Sanzo shrugged. "I couldn't care less what you believe. Or what you do, for that matter. Go out and beat up a bunch of assholes. But at least be honest with yourself, and admit that you're doing it because you're angry and want to hurt them, not because you're meting out some kind of frontier justice."

Frustrated, Hakkai had to admit that Sanzo had a point, even if he didn't want to believe it. "I want to see them bloody," he said. 

"If you think you're strong enough to carry that karma load, go ahead."

"That's—" _A fairly astute assessment,_ he admitted to himself. He leaned his head against the back of the settee and rubbed his face, feeling defeated. "Fine. Shall I sleep here on the settee?"

"Wherever. But if you get in bed with me, I'll fucking shoot you."

"Ah haha."

"You won't laugh when the barrel of my gun's shoved up your ass," Sanzo said. 

*****

Gojyo showed up promptly at ten. He had a black eye and a contusion on his chin, but he seemed to be moving with only minor difficulties.

The drive to the Deer Lake airport seemed to take forever. Gojyo had the lorry's radio tuned to a country and western station and seemed disinclined to talk, responding to Hakkai's attempts to initiate a conversation with grunts and shoulder shrugs. Finally, Hakkai gave up and leaned his forehead against the passenger window, staring at the passing countryside without seeing it.

At the airport, Gojyo helped some of the airport staff unload the lorry, slamming the back doors shut and dropping the latch back in place when it was empty. "I'll drop the truck off at the rental place," he said. 

"How will you get home?" Hakkai suddenly thought to ask.

"It's Tuesday. I can catch a ride back with Sergeant Bottoms when he swings by Isle aux Morts tomorrow."

"Gojyo—"

Gojyo extended his hand. "It's been—" he started to say, but it was plain the words were sticking in his throat. He dropped his hand. "Take care of yourself," he said thickly.

"And you." Hakkai couldn't believe it. He was really leaving. Gojyo was really staying.

"If I find anything you've forgotten, I'll ship it to you," Gojyo said.

"Thank you," Hakkai said automatically. Then, because he couldn't stand it, he started to say, "Won't you reconsider--?" but Gojyo was already turning away.

"See you," he said, raising a hand in a vague wave as he walked away.

"Gojyo!"

It was if he hadn't heard Hakkai's outcry. Hakkai watched, disbelieving, as Gojyo climbed into the lorry and drove away without looking back.

*****

Gojyo told himself that he'd done the right thing. A quick, clean break, that was best. Best for both of them. Make Hakkai think he was a heartless bastard. Besides, the last thing that Gojyo had needed was Hakkai's pity. A half-breed, victimised by assholes – Jesus, how much more stereotypical and pathetic could he be? He told himself that he was glad that Hakkai had left, before he'd really got to know Gojyo and lost the rose-coloured glasses he'd been wearing. 

He kept telling himself the same thing the next day, when, ignoring the pain in his ribs, he walked back to the ship repair shop. He made arrangements for use of the dry dock for a few weeks, figuring that it would be a good time to overhaul the engine and clean the boat's hull, maybe even get some of the rust off and repaint her while he was at it. He took it slow at first, but after the first couple of days, he felt stronger, and threw himself into the work like he was possessed, getting to the shop early every morning and working until they rousted him out at night. 

A week or so later he was busy replacing a worn engine gasket when Sanzo showed up.

"Hakkai wired the rest of your payment," he announced as Gojyo crawled out from under the massive engines.

Gojyo frowned, wiping his wrench with a rag. "The rest of my payment?"

"He said he hired you for a couple of weeks longer than contracted or some shit like that," Sanzo said. He handed Gojyo an envelope. "Get a bank account. I'm not a fucking cheque-cashing service."

"Thanks." Gojyo unzipped the front of his coveralls and slipped the envelope inside. "He have anything else to say?" he asked casually.

"You're fucking pathetic," Sanzo snarled. "Both of you. Use a goddamned phone or something."

Gojyo glared, but figured that since Sanzo had tracked him all the way down to the shipyards, he must have something to say. "Wanna beer?" Sanzo grunted, so Gojyo led the way back through the hatch to the deck, where he'd stowed a cooler. He took out two beers and handed one to Sanzo. They sat next to each other with their backs against the deckhouse. 

"It's a stupid time of the year to have your boat out of commission. How much longer are you going to keep her in dry dock?" Sanzo asked.

"Dunno. Another couple of weeks? I've got someone coming out to scrape her and I'm gonna try my hand at painting her after I get the engine done. I want to go over the tail shaft and check out the propeller while I'm at it. It doesn't matter. I don't have any bookings and I'm getting a discount because nobody else is using it right now."

"Tch." 

They drank their beers in silence.

"Did he talk to you at all?" Gojyo finally asked.

"If he did, I wouldn't tell you," Sanzo replied.

"Shit." Gojyo banged his head against the wall. "I screwed up big time."

Surprisingly, Sanzo shrugged. "You did what you had to."

"Yeah." Gojyo stared at his beer bottle. "Are you writing?"

"Yes."

"If it's about him, I'll kill you."

"Fuck off," Sanzo said, draining his bottle. He set in on the deck and stood. "If you want a booking, I know a guy who's looking for a whale-watching trip on the cheap."

"American?"

"Yeah. Guy from New Jersey."

Gojyo sighed. "Tell him I'm free after the twentieth."

"I expect a commission."

"I'll buy you a beer."

"Twenty percent or I tell him to hire Jenkins."

"Bastard," Gojyo said without heat. "Fine. Let me know what he says."

Sanzo grunted and walked away. Gojyo listened to him climbing down the ladder and drained his bottle of beer. He set it carefully down next to Sanzo's, the image of a lean body spread out on a blanket, the remembered smell of beer and cigarette smoke and Hakkai so vivid he nearly looked around at the empty space on the deck where they'd lain together.

"Shit," he said quietly. He took the envelope out of his coveralls and looked at it.

*****

Two weeks later, the _Manituw_ looked good and ran like a dream. After Sanzo's booking, Gojyo found himself juggling a line of bookings that would take him through the rest of the summer and leave him pretty well off when things froze up. His luck was definitely taking a turn for the better.

Eventually, he stopped feeling like he was sleepwalking through every day.

By the autumn things were winding down. One evening he was making soup when Sanzo barged into the house without knocking. He glared at Gojyo, tossed a book on the table, and said, "Read it!" before stalking back out and slamming the door behind him.

Gojyo blinked once or twice, then picked up the book and swore. _The Masks We Wear_. Fuck. That bastard _had_ written about Hakkai.

He stared at the book. It was all he could do to keep from sitting down and devouring it immediately. Yeah, it was pathetic, but he craved Hakkai so badly that he itched for even a small taste of the man.

But it felt too much like intruding. Yeah, it was a work of fiction, but Sanzo had a tendency to lift most of his facts from real life. Knowing Sanzo, he'd dug into Hakkai's background. If Gojyo read this, he'd probably find out things about Hakkai that Hakkai hadn't told him. Things that maybe Hakkai didn't want him to know. Didn't want anyone to know.

Suddenly, Gojyo was gloriously furious.

He ran up the steps to Sanzo's place and pounded on the door. Goku opened the door, squinted at him, and grinned. "I'm making myself scarce," he said.

"Fuck off, monkey," Gojyo said. "Where's that son of a bitch? I need to talk to him."

"In the parlour."

Gojyo pushed past Goku and stormed into the parlour. Sanzo looked up from his newspaper, a sneer twisting his lips.

"You must not care as much as I thought," he said. "I expected you to catch me before I even made it back to the house."

"I told you I'd fucking kill you if you wrote about him," Gojyo said. "You bastard!"

"I'm sick of repeating myself to every idiot I see, so get it through your thick skull the first time. Hakkai's fate is Hakkai's. Not yours."

"It's not yours, either!"

"I'm not making it mine," Sanzo said. 

"You've put his life a book, damn it!"

"I've put his past into a book. There's a difference," Sanzo said coolly. "His life is still his own."

"What if he didn't want anyone else to know those things? What happens if he wanted to keep them a secret?"

"He's a fool, then." Sanzo lit a cigarette. "The past is anyone's. The only thing any of us has is our present."

"That's God-damned, half-assed Buddhist _shit!_ "

Sanzo blew out a stream of smoke, eyeing him thoughtfully. "You're not too smart, are you?"

"Christ!" Gojyo willed himself not to punch the sanctimonious bastard. "I get it, okay? Release the past to free the present. But maybe he didn't want his past on the fucking best-sellers list!"

"It's not his choice," Sanzo put on his reading glasses and picked up the paper again. "Fuck off."

 _Fuck it._ Gojyo punched Sanzo, feeling a fierce satisfaction at the crunch of the bastard's nose under his fist, then he stalked out of the house.

"Don't bother coming back, asshole!" Sanzo shouted after him. "I've rented out your crappy little house!"

"Fuck you!" Gojyo shouted back. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked towards the village. Fuck Sanzo and his fucking book. Fuck the goddamned house. Fuck working for scientists with gorgeous green eyes, who fucked like a dream. He was going to get drunk, and then he was going to find Jenkins and let the bastard have it. He was sick to death of other people messing with his life.

He pushed open the door to the pub so hard that it banged against the wall. "Whiskey, damn it! And keep it coming!"

*****

The trouble with spending time in a jail cell was that it gave you too much time to think, Gojyo decided. Not to mention the headache from the nicotine withdrawal he went through every time. Oh, and the hangover. He stared at the ceiling of the cell, willing the hours to tick by faster.

Not that he had anything to do when he got out. The house really was rented out, according to Goku, who had stopped by to bring him a toothbrush and Sanzo's book. During the day, Gojyo had left the book on the floor of the cell where Goku had placed it, but he'd read it surreptitiously during the night. Strangely, he didn't feel guilty for doing so, just an overwhelming ache for Hakkai's presence.

Which wasn't going to happen, especially now that he was officially homeless. Gojyo supposed he could live on the boat for a week or two, but the harbour would be freezing up for good pretty soon. If he didn't get things worked out with Sanzo before then, he might have to consider taking the boat south and seeing if he could find some work for her. Maybe he could go as far as Barbuda, catch a glimpse of life on the Caribbean. 

"I should have thought to check here first," a familiar voice said.

Gojyo's heart skipped a beat.

"Hello, Gojyo."

Unbelieving, Gojyo slowly sat up and faced the cell door. "Hakkai?"

"Yes?"

"What are you doing here?" 

"That's evident, I should think. I'm looking for you." 

Gojyo's heart was pounding in his ears and he couldn't catch his breath. Hakkai. Here. Fucking shit. Damn, but the man looked good enough to eat. Gojyo devoured every detail with fervent hunger. Hakkai's hair was a bit longer, his face paler, he was actually wearing jeans, which made his long legs seem endless… "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Hakkai's face was blank. "You sent back the money I owed you."

"Yeah, well…" Gojyo wasn't sure how to express his discomfort in keeping it. "I didn't need it. You'd paid me enough already." He couldn't stop staring.

"I beg to differ. It's an outstanding expense on the grant report, and I'd prefer not to return the funds, especially when they've been earned." Hakkai frowned. "However, since Sanzo refused to accept a second wire, I decided it was best to simply bring it to you in person, so I took a sabbatical to continue my research."

"A sabbatical."

"It's an unpaid break from one's job—"

"I know what it is! Just… You. On a sabbatical."

"Yes."

"Where?"

"Here."

Was this what hope felt like? Gojyo cleared his throat. "Sanzo wrote a book about you."

"I know," Hakkai said. "My solicitor arranged things nicely prior to it being published."

"I didn't know about the—after your sister died," Gojyo said awkwardly. 

"Does it bother you that I served a suspended sentence for grievous bodily harm?" Hakkai asked, sounding wary.

Gojyo shook his head, a slow grin blossoming. "Nah. Does it bother you that this cell is pretty much regarded as my private property?"

Hakkai finally smiled. "No. By the way, I should tell you that I've rented a house. Right on the water."

Sanzo. The bastard. "It's probably pretty small."

"Yes."

"I hear the guy who lives there isn't an easy guy to live with."

"I'm not, either."

"The shittiest time of the year is coming," Gojyo pointed out. "Winters up here are a bitch."

"Hmm. So I've heard."

"People around here have been known to take axes to each other around the middle of February or so. Cabin fever."

"Ah. Well, we'll have to watch for that."

"Yeah." God, he was glad Hakkai was back. He grinned wider.

Hakkai looked at his watch. "When are they letting you out?"

"Five or so – tomorrow evening."

Hakkai raised an eyebrow. "Well, then," he said, "I'd better get a chair." He disappeared down the hall.

Gojyo's smile felt like it wasn't going anywhere for a while, so he settled back on the bed, hands behind his head, to wait.

Maybe his luck really had changed. 

__

fin


End file.
